their whiskers and twitching their noses, with an obvious Im going to
pronounce silent judgment on you after you answer look on their pusses.
Big cats never ask outright, What do you do? (Oh they find out, all
right, in a much more subtle manner.) By not asking the question, the big
boys and big girls come across as more princpled, even spiritual. After all,
their silence says, a man or woman is far more than his or her job.
Resisting the tempting question also shows their sensitivity. With so
much downsizing, rightsizing, and capsizing of corportions these days, the
blunt interrogation evokes uneasiness. The job question is not just
unpleasant for those who are between engagements. I have several gainfully
employed friends who hate being asked, And what do you do? (One of
these folks cuts cadavers for autopsies, the other is an IRS collection agent.)
Additionally, millions of talented and accomplished women have
chosen to devote themselves to motherhood. When the cruel corporate
question is thrust at them, they feel guilty. The rude interrogation belittles
their commitment to their families. No matter how the women answer, they
fear the asker is only going to hear a humble Im just a housewife.
Big boys and big girls should avoid asking, What do you do? for
another reason: their abstinence from the question leads liteners to believe
that they are in the habit of soaring with a higflying crowd. Recently I
attended a posh party on Easy Street. (I suspect they invited me as their
token working-class person.) I noticed no one was asking anyone what they
didbecause these swells didnt do anything. Oh, some might have a ticker
tape on the bed table of their mansion to track investments. But they
deinitely did not work for a living.
The final benefit to not asking, What do you do? is it throws people off
guard. It convinces them you are enjoying their copany for who they are,
not for any crass networking reason.
The Right Way to Find Out
So how do you find out what someone does for a living? (I thought
youd never ask.) You simply practice the following eight words. All
together now: How... do... you... spend... most... of ...your...time?
Technique #24
What Do You DoNOT!
A sure sign youre a Somebody is the conspicuous asence of the
question, What do you do? (You detemine this, of course, but not with those
four dirty words that label you as either a ruthless networker, a social
ooja
(Ooja)
#1