“Doessheshowthatsheunder-
standsyou?”theear,noseandthroat
doctoraskedmetheotherdaywhile
Fionasatonmylap.Hecouldhave
assessedherhimself.Shewas,after
all,rightinfrontofhim.Instead,he
wentthroughme.“Ifyouaskherto
dosomething,doesshedoit?”
“Yesss,”I said,willingmyselfnotto
rollmyeyes.I wonderedwhatit must
belikeformygirltohavetohearthis
kindoftalkaboutherselfallthetime.
Minuteslater,thedoctorledusinto
a soundproof,white-walledroom,so
muffledthatwhenI spoke,itfeltlike
myearshadbeenstuffedwithcotton.
Hesatontheothersideofsoundproof
glassandaskedFionatopointtodif-
ferentpartsofherface.Sheobliged
happilyforseveralminutes.Whenwe
exitedtheroomandreturnedtohis
office,hedeclaredina loud,bombas-
ticvoice,“Well,she’snotdeaf!”
Itwasunbelievable.Ifhehadreal-
isedwhatI’dalreadytoldhimabout
mydaughter,whichisthatshecan
hearandunderstand,thenwhywas
hestilltalkingaboutherratherthan
toher?
Thishappensallthetime.
Theworstinstancewasa fewweeks
agoatanotherappointment.Adoctor
wasassessingoneofmydaughter’s
medicalissues.Shegazeddownat
Fiona,whostooddirectlyinfrontof
her,returningthegaze.Eventhough
thisdoctorlookedatmydaughter,she
stillspoketome.“Imean,”shestarted,
“she’s a small, thin, weak...”Person, I
thought.Say“person”.Butinsteadthe
doctorsaid,“thing.”
Asmall,thin,weakthing.It’sprob-
ablythelastwayI wantmychildto
hearherselfdescribed.
FriendssuggestedI rage,callthe
doctor’sboss,findanotherphysician.
Butpaediatricspecialistsarefewand
farbetween,andFionawouldn’thave
anyotheroptions.
MyfamilyandI oftenhavetowork
withspecificmedicalprofessionals,
poorbedsidemannerornot.Soa few
weekslater,I calledthedoctor.I told
herFionaindeedcanunderstand
quitea lot.I quotedherbacktoher-
self:“small,thin,weakthing”.
Shegasped.“I’msosorry!”she
said.
I saidI didn’twantmykidgoing
throughlifehearingpeopledescribe
herinthoseterms.
“I’msosorry!”shesaidagain,and
I sensedshetrulywas.I askedherto
bemoremindfulofherspeech.“Of
course,”shesaid.
Atthenextvisit,thisdoctorspoke
directlytoFiona.
It’sa taxingpartofmyjobasthe
motherofakidwithdisabilities.I
shouldn’thavetodoit,butI do.One
personata time,throughsubtlecues
ordirectconversations,I trytoteach
people:mykidisa person. Just talk to
her like a person.FROM‘PLE ASETRE ATMYDAUGHTERLIKE
SHE’SHUMAN’,TODAY’SPARENT(SEPTEMBER/
OCTOBER2017),©2017,BY HE ATHER L ANIER.
TODAYSPARENT.COM65
Talk to Her Like a Person