MAY 2019| The Australian Women’s Weekly 101
PERSONAL
IMAGES
COURTESY
OF
MELANIE
REID/NEWS LICENSING.
TOM JACKSON/THE TIMES MAGAZINE.lighterhomeresponsibilitiessinceDoughadleft
foruniversity.Davewas64,andanticipatinga
pleasantretirement.Thedayofmyriding
accident,GoodFriday,hewasat workin
Glasgow,whileI’dtakenmyhorsefora cross-
countryjumpingday94kmsawayin Perthshire.
Hegota callfromthecourseorganiser– I’dhada
fall,andwasbeingtakentohospital.Hejumped
in hiscarandheadednorth.Then,anothercall– a
helicopterwasnowflyingmetothespecialist
spinalunitin Glasgow.Hedida lonelyu-turn.
Throughthedescendingfogofshockand
morphine,I rememberhimjoiningmein A&E
aftermyMRIscan.Theheadofthespinalunit
explainedI’dfractureda lowerbackvertebrae,
whichwasnotsoserous,andbrokenthecervical
vertebraeC6in myneck,whichwas.WhatI
didn’tknowwasDavewasalsotakenasideand
gentlywarnedtherewaseverypossibilityI’dbe
in a wheelchairfortherestofmylife.
Traumaripsyouasunderphysically.Dave
hadtogohome,whileI, fadingintobarely-
thereawareness,wassenttohighdependencyto
focusonbreathingasa wayofsurviving.Dave’s
horriblejobnowwastocontactDoug,whowas
abroad.Thenfamilyandfriends,repeatingthe
dreadfulnewsoverandoveragain,absorbingthe
shockandtearsofothers.Evennow,I can’tbear
thedetailsofthosefirsthurt-filleddays.What
littleI doknowis thatDave,thetypeofmacho
Scotsmanwhonevercries,weptwithdespairfor
about 48 hours.Asthenewsrippledout,the
phonestartedringing.Andrang,andrang.Hefound
himselfimprisoned,tellingandretellingdailyupdates,
unabletoescape.That,hetoldmelater,wasoneofthe
worstbits.“Iseemedtobeonthephonefromthemoment
I gotupuntilthemiddleof the afternoon,” he said.Difficulttimes
Asdaysconsolidateintoweeks,traumaseparatesyou
mentally,too.Honestybecamedangerous.I wasin
denialaboutmycondition.Davewasn’t.HeandI were
actorsin twodifferentplays– wearingbravefacesin order
tokeepspiritsup;soldiersjoshingwithinjuredcomrades.
Hetookontheroleofmyguarddog,withtheblessing
ofthedoctors,refusingtoallowanybuta handfulof
peopletovisitmein hospital.Hepursuedtheonetiny
insurancepolicyI couldclaimon,tangentialto
membershipofa horseyorganisation,withdiversionary
aggression.Fewpeoplegraspedthegravityofmyinjuries
ortheirconsequencesforourfuture,letalonethe
psychologicalramifications.Howcouldthey,when
weourselvescouldn’t?
Paralysisis oftendescribedaslifechanging,a euphemism
shinywithoveruse.Moreaccurately,it feltasif a selective
nuclearstrikehadatomisedourlives.Cardsandflowers
piled up at our home; the only structure that seemed to bestillstanding,buteventhatwasn’tcertain.Dreadof
financialinsecurityassailedDavethroughthenight.Hefelt
undersiegefromthepracticalresponsibilitiesthrustupon
him,yetpretendedtobestrong.“Who’sourmortgage
with?”heaskedmeurgentlyoneday.“Wheredoyoukeep
thefile?”Mybrainwastoobefuddledtorecall.Allwecould
dowasfirefight.Morecomplexemotionswereforlater.
BythetimeI camehome,afternearlya yearin hospital,
wewereassuredofkeepinga roofoverourheads,butwe
hadn’tyetproperlytestedthat‘insicknessandin health’
lineutteredsoblithelyin weddingvows.Oh,it mustbe
hardenough,at theendoflife,losinga belovedpartner
toillnessordementia.Butwhencatastrophearrivesin fit,
healthy,complacentmiddle-age,andsnatchesyourbody
withoutwarning,theimpactona relationshipis seismic,
testingthetruecalibreoflove.I neverdoubtedtherockof
ourfriendship;therewasrespect,support,affection.Butas
timepassed,andthepermanenceofmyinjuriesbecame
moreevident,biggerquestionsarose.Myhusbandwasnot
thenurturingtype.Asmybrotherobserved,yearsbefore,
Davewasputonearthtobetheheadofentertainment.He
wasnotdesignedforselflesscaring.Norwashepractical.
Infact,wereyoutodesignthemanleastsuitedtocope
witha dependent,doublyincontinent, sexless wife, you’d
come up with my husband.→