16 MANTRAMAGAZINE.COM
“
LOOK WHAT YOU MADE ME DO.
“
This is one of the key phrases that manipulators use.
It makes them seem like they’re not in control of their
actions. They want you to think you are the reason
for their behavior. This phrase can be particularly
jarring, especially when the manipulator has done
something to punish you for a perceived slight against
them. Manipulators are particularly fond of this phrase
because it can be used to control other people by making
them hyperconscious of their words and actions Almost
all abusers blame their victims for their own behavior.How to respond:
“I didn’t make you do anything.” Standing your ground
and letting a manipulator know that you’re not going
to fall for their tricks is key. You don’t have control over
anyone but yourself. A manipulator has control over
their own actions. Don’t let them trick you into think-
ing they don’t. It is important to avoid self-blame when
it comes to a manipulator, and make sure to keep the
responsibility of their actions on them.“
YOU’RE ACTING CRAZY.
Manipulators want to get into your head and make it “
seem like you don’t know what you’re talking about
and they want you to doubt your intuition. When you
try to bring up a problem that you have, a manipu-
lator will often respond with “You’re acting crazy” or
something similar. They may also accuse you of being
irrational or insist that you’re not making any sense.
This is to get you to back off, and to reframe them as
the logical person in the argument.How to respond:
Stay calm and collected. You may feel yourself getting
more and more frustrated, but it’s important to stand
your ground when it comes to responding to this
phrase. State your position clearly and calmly and
refuse to get caught up in trying to prove that you’re
being rational.“
YOU’RE OVERTHINKING THINGS.
Manipulators love using this phrase to make it seem “
like whatever concerns someone has are just a figment
of their imagination. If a manipulator does something
deliberately to upset you, they may claim that you’re
just “overthinking” it when you try to confront them
about it. Pattern recognition is important when it
comes to avoiding manipulators, and this is one of the
biggest red flags there is.How to respond:
This particular phrase may be the beginning of a
manipulator trying to gaslight you. If you are ever told
that you’re overthinking something, trust your gut
instinct. Say, “I am thinking clearly, and I need you to
respond to my concerns.” Forcing the manipulator to
face their actions is a key step in responding to their
manipulation.“
I’M SORRY.
“
Most people would be over the moon if they got an
apology from someone who had hurt them. But “I’m
sorry” is a manipulator’s favorite phrase. This is be-
cause a manipulator will use the “catch and release”
tactic when it comes to manipulating. A manipulative
person will apologize over and over, without ever
actually modifying their behavior. But since they
always apologize, it seems like they’re really trying
to be better... even when they’re not.How to respond:
“Thank you for apologizing, but I’m not ready to
forgive you until I see a change in your behavior.” Being
able to control your boundaries is key when it comes
to handling a manipulator. Knowing how to say “No”
will help keep you safe when it comes to responding to
someone’s manipulation. If someone doesn’t change
their behavior, they need to know that you can see
right through them.Final thoughts
Manipulators know their targets’ weaknesses. A manipulator deliberately “creates an imbalance of power and exploits the victim to
serve his or her agenda,” says Preston Ni. They also know how to act, and usually have just the right things to say to make them seem
like they’re more innocent than they really are. Being able to respond to common manipulative phrases will keep you from getting
caught up in a manipulator’s web.1 2
3 4
look what you made me do. you
,
re acting crazy.look what you made me do. you
,
re acting crazy. I, m sorry.
look what you made me do. you
,
re overthinking things.
you
,
re overthinking things. I,
m sorry.