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ANTICIPATE YOUR ABUSER’S
ACTIONS TO PREVENT THE
DIVORCE OR PUNISH YOU
FOR LEAVING HIM.Your abuser’s behavior may be fairly
predictable, but he may become erratic
when he realizes that he is losing control.
Do what you can to protect yourself, your
children and your assets. If you suspect that
he may become violent, leave immediately
with your children.DON’T RELY ON YOUR
ATTORNEY TO REMEMBER
EVERY IMPORTANT DETAIL.He or she is busy with other clients. Keep
a log of the expenses that you are to be
reimbursed for in the divorce. Bring it to
the negotiations. Request that credit cards
and other debts such as car loans be paid
off before the assets are distributed in the
divorce. If you signed for a card or car loan,
even if the divorce agreement requires your
husband to pay the debt, you are still liable
if he fails to pay it. Creditors do not care
about the terms of a divorce agreement. You
signed a binding contract with them, so you
will still owe it. Don’t let his debts become
your problem and affect your credit score.PRACTICE SELF-CARE
TO STRENGTHEN YOUR
RESERVES.You need to keep your wits about you for
many months until the divorce is final, so
eat properly and get enough exercise and
rest to be at your best. Take bubble baths,
listen to uplifting music, spend time with
friends, meditate or pray. Do whatever you
need to do to replenish your reserves when
they become depleted.If you do make a mistake, immediately forgive yourself and rectify it, if at all possible.
If not, learn from it and let it go. You are human and will make mistakes.BE PREPARED WHEN
YOU GO TO MEDIATION
AND TO COURT.Dress appropriately and arrive ahead of
time. Act respectfully with the judge, the
mediator or opposing counsel. Limit your
answer to only the question being asked
and stay calm. Bring a typewritten list of
how you expect the assets and debts to be
divided. Make sure that your lawyer is on
the same page with you and has a copy of
your proposed division of assets in hand.READ THE FINE PRINT
CAREFULLY BEFORE
YOU SIGN THE DIVORCE
AGREEMENT.Make sure that everything you discussed
with your lawyer is in the document. If
it is not in there, you won’t get it. Take
responsibility for the outcome of your
divorce. Protect yourself.BE REALISTIC ABOUT
WHAT YOU CAN EXPECT
TO RECEIVE IN THE
DIVORCE SETTLEMENT.It is unlikely that you will receive more than
half of the marital assets. Get professional
advice and be realistic about what you can
expect to receive as your share of the assets
so that you are not wasting time and driving
up divorce costs. In most states, inherited
assets and gifts are not part of the marital
estate. If you signed a prenuptial agreement
before you married, your lawyer will advise
you as to your rights.DON’T TAKE THE HOUSE IF
YOU CAN’T AFFORD TO KEEP
IT AFTER THE DIVORCE.If neither one of you wants the house, insist
that the house be sold as part of the divorce
agreement and that you split the proceeds.
If you take the house, you will have to pay
the expenses of maintaining it until it is
sold and be at risk for a decline in housing
prices. You will also have to pay the closing
costs by yourself, which is patently unfair.{7}
{8}
{9}
DON’T NEGOTIATE WITH
YOUR ABUSER.Disengage. He will try to wear you
down through intimidation, protracted
negotiations and pointless arguments.
You may think you have finally reached
an agreement with him, but he will not
keep his word anyway. Don’t let him waste
precious time you need to spend elsewhere.{10} {11} {12}
{13}
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