May 2019 • happiful • 29LIVING TOGETHER BUT APART
FROM MY HUSBAND
My husband Ed and I are very
independent, and even though we’re
together, neither of us thinks of
ourselves as a couple, so that was a
good match. We’re a unit because
we’re parents and are together, but
don’t think of us as an ‘us’. I think all
couples should do stuff on their own,
figure out themselves, then go and
save the world.
REALISING THE POSITIVE
IN NEGATIVES
As a child, it felt like my parents were
bringing the Second World War into
the kitchen every morning. There
was a lot of negativity at home. My
parents would say ‘why do anything
because it ends?’ and would tell me I
was going to be a failure. I think it’s
why I’m hyper-ambitious now.
Out of five thoughts, four are
negative, and there’s a reason for
that. In evolution, we have to be on
our toes. When you make a mistake,
like tripping down the staircase,
you’ll remember that so you don’t do
it again. If things are fine, we don’t
memorise it. We need negatives
otherwise we wouldn’t survive.
UNDERSTANDING THAT MY
THOUGHTS ARE NOT WHO I AM
Your thoughts can take a toll on
you, physically and emotionally. I
got depression because my thoughts
were overwhelming, and now I doubt
those thoughts, because thoughts
don’t define you. It’s not about
thinking happily all the time, because
if you try to be happy you’re going
to be unhappy. It’s about recognising
when feelings of unhappiness are
coming. Whatever is going on
emotionally, watch it like the weather.
There might be clouds and it might
be nice and breezy, but don’t take it as
a reality. It’s like ‘there is anxiety, but
I’m not anxious’.
It’s about
recognising
when feelings of
unhappiness are
coming. Whatever
is going on
emotionally, watch
it like the weather
BEING TOLD I WAS A
CRAP ACTRESS
When I was in my early 20s I got into
the Royal Shakespeare Company.
In the middle of a play, the actor
Alan Rickman said: ‘You’d better do
comedy now.’ He was insinuating
that I wasn’t so good at acting, and I
knew I wasn’t, and while I didn’t like
hearing his comment, it was a relief
because I wouldn’t have had a long
career as an actress!Then I realised I was a bad comedian
too, so Alan became my mentor and
trained me for 30 years. Just because
you’re the amusing one in the family
doesn’t mean you’re a comedian, it just
means you’re funny. Being a comedian
is an art, and I’ve had to work on it
every second since.APPRECIATING MY BODY
At Oxford, I was trained to see the
connection between the body and the
mind. Mindfulness is about seeing
yourself as a whole, and a lot of times,
when you focus in on muscles or how
it feels to move, it brings the cortisol
down. When I’m walking, I try to feel
the sidewalk beneath my feet, and
when I breathe, I’m aware that there’s
a body down there, and that the body
is the mind and the mind is the body.
I consciously make that connection.
When I look in the mirror, I don’t
love what I see, and in the past I’ve
felt as if my body has let me down,
but I now appreciate what I have – I’m
flexible and people at my age have
pain but I don’t, so I’m grateful!