Happiful_May_2019

Pete’s Story

48 • happiful • May 2019

But was impossible to live

with. The anxieties worsened

and the depression grew. I

needed to calm down. I met

my beautiful wife and went

to see my GP. He prescribed

citalopram, an antidepressant,

which I took for a few months

and carried on with life.

Another 10 or so years

went by, with the occasional

depressive spell, and I thought

I’d worked it out. I’d had

three incredible children and

a fantastic wife; my friends

were great, I was doing a job

I enjoyed with people I liked,

and life seemed to be going

well for me.

But my anxiety had started

to creep back. First, I couldn’t

face heights anymore, then

I couldn’t go into crowded

spaces, then I struggled

to go out at all. Work was

becoming harder, self-doubt

creeping in. Sleep was more

fragile – I stayed up watching

TV rather than listen to the

voice in my head.

It got very dark. My mood

was so low I decided to end

my life. I got incredible care

from the NHS and the crisis

care team, who checked me,

medicated me, and pulled

me through. I moved back in

with my mum – hard to do

after 20 years away, but I felt

safe there.

I lost a month, sleeping

and recovering. Medication

started to make me feel more

human, and I began to talk. I

had to try to adjust to a new

life. For a while it was all very

flat, and I was constantly tired

from the meds. I stopped

caffeine and alcohol – which

I’ve continued to this day. It

was a complete reset, helped

along by family and friends.

I started to exercise more.

Because of the medication

I couldn’t drive, so I had to

walk anywhere I needed

to go. It was tiring at first,

then easier, then the walking

became running. I started to

enjoy running, building it up

week by week. The runs got

gradually longer and I was

feeling a buzz from it. As the

miles increased, my mood was

improving, and I decided to try

a marathon.

Running was my new

dopamine hit. I’d go to the

gym, or around the town, and

it boosted my confidence. My

family would come along to

races, so it was fun for us all.

I ran the London Marathon

and raised money for a mental

health charity to say thanks

for the help I’d had. It was

tough going – being anxious

and having your name

screamed at you by strangers

telling you to run faster is

challenging – but it was

also the most inspiring and

magical day.

To see the London streets

full of runners with different

causes, with heartbreaking

and heartwarming stories,

supported by thousands of

I’d do stand-up gigs in the

evening, finding it easier to

make 100 people laugh than

have to talk to one person

Pete on a day out with

his three children