May 2019 • happiful • 77I would
spend hours
applying
make-up,
picking at my
skin, styling
my hair
“I have always been self-conscious
and a perfectionist, and this trait
moved towards my appearance in
my teens.
“I felt I didn’t fit in with my peers,
and that I was ugly and repulsive to
others. I assumed that my friends
and family would be embarrassed to
be seen with me, and I didn’t want
to let them down.
“I tried to improve my appearance,
and would spend hours applying
make-up, picking at my skin, styling
my hair and choosing my clothes,
hoping I would be able to solve
the ‘problem’ of my appearance. At
the time, I didn’t realise that the
problem was psychological.
“It wasn’t until my gap year when
I was hardly leaving the house
that my parents learned about
BDD through a documentary, and
contacted the BDD Foundation.
Without the Foundation, I probably
wouldn’t be here today.
Kitty's story
“It was the early 70s when it started.
Part of it was moving from a refugee
camp to a community that was all
white, so being a different colour
to start with. Then around puberty
there were issues with hair, and
embarrassment about a change in my
physical body.
“The thing that was devastating was
that I had inverted nipples until my
early 30s. I never went topless, I never
even wore T-shirts. I wanted to be
invisible, I didn’t want people to see
me in any way. I avoided changing
rooms like the plague, I avoided
all sports, especially swimming or
physical contact. I used to have notes
that I would save to get out of sports
at school, and it would be traumatic
every week to get out of it.
“Eventually, I realised I wasn’t alone,
and I did get past it in my 30s. But
it was bad enough that it demanded
self-loathing throughout my life,
to the point of suicidal thoughts.
Recently, I was sent a photograph by
my cousin from when we were forced
to go to the beach by my uncle, and
I was shocked to see that I looked
normal, where in my memory I was a
blob. It was shocking to see that.”
Today, Kenny runs MenSpeak men’s
groups, in London and online, where
men can come together, talk, listen
and grow. To find out more, head to
mensgroups.co.ukKenny’s story
problems I would find. It was only
through cognitive behavioural
therapy that I began my road to
recovery. It’s been a bumpy road
(I had a relapse of BDD in my late
20s), but I now feel very happy
and fulfilled in my life, which is
something I never thought I would
experience. I hope that anyone who
reads about BDD and relates will feel
able to reach out for the help they
deserve, and know that recovery is
possible.”SUPPORT
Visit bddfoundation.org
for more information,
or call the OCD Action
helpline on 0845 390 6232
for advice on treatment
and emotional support.“BDD is so incredibly isolating,
distressing, and disabling that at
the time I couldn’t see a light at
the end of the tunnel. The more I
tried to improve my appearance,
the worse I felt, and the more