Julia’s Story
82 • happiful • May 2019home or job. The idea was to
establish myself as a model,
and then make my way into
Bollywood films. I knew it was
going to be an adventure, I just
didn’t anticipate the toxicity of
the modelling environment,
and the effect it would have on
my mental health.
When I walked into my
future international agency,
they were aghast at my timidly
presented folio, openly told me
my legs were ‘huge’ and that
I needed to get my upper lip
‘done’. Naive me assumed theymeant waxing the moustache
(yep, that old chestnut).
My confidence was shot,
however I took it upon myself
to work as hard for this career
as I had in my other jobs. I
focused on exercising a lot
to lose weight quickly, doing
hours of cardio most days. As
the weight dropped off, the
agency finally accepted me a
few months later, reinforcing
those negative habits.
The problem was, it didn’t
stop at just my weight. The
width of my hips came under
scrutiny, and it became a fairly
normal practice for show
directors and designers to
openly call certain girls out
on this in front of everyone,
which I learned to ignore with
an aching heart. Ironically,
even though I was working
as a model, it never gave me
the validating feeling I’d been
chasing since I was a kid.
By 2012, despite studying
two Indian languages day
and night almost to fluency,I discovered the seedy side of
getting into most Bollywood
films and it was not a path I
wished to pursue.
It was a constant cycle of
humiliation and mind games,
and I felt like I was running
on autopilot, an empty shell.
Fellow models either joined
in the bullying for Brownie
points, or gave you a wide
berth so they wouldn’t be
picked on, too. It was an
incredibly isolating and dark
place to be in.
During this time I had body
dysmorphia – unaware of
how thin I was, and was hyper
aware of my ‘imperfections’.
For a few years, my legs were
so thin I’d struggle to walk
a runway in heels – I just
couldn’t hold myself up.
After five years, the final
straw came after a particularly
humiliating experience of yet
again being ridiculed – this
time for the broadness of my
shoulders – in front of a pack
of cowering backstage girls.When the designers had had
their fun and walked out, I
threw the jacket – which had
prompted the remarks – on the
floor and stomped on it amidst
the cheers of the backstage
crew. That gave me the strength
I needed to realise I was not
going to take the abuse a
second longer.
On my way home that day,
I had an angry conversation
in my head of what I should
have said to the designer. “You
think I’m fat? Well, deal with
it – because I love food and this
model eats a lot!”
This thought gave me an
idea and confidence in myself;
I created a brand from it. It’s
become my identity and has
brought me so much joy and
peace. In 2014, This Model
Eats A Lot started as restaurant
reviews, but has since evolved to
YouTube episodes at Michelin
starred restaurants around the
world, as well as collaborations
with some food bloggers and
food-positive models.It was a constant cycle of
humiliation and mind games,
and I felt like I was running on
autopilot, an empty shell
Julia’s confidence was
affected by bullying from
others in the industryPhotography | Black/white dress: Dhruven Shah