Social Interactions 95In most cases, selection is by choice, but choice based
on little or no direct knowledge of the person’s habits or
personality. Rather, selection is based on reputation and
indirect knowledge. The following is a fairly typical middle-
class scenario.
In his mid-30s, a well-educated and reasonably well-off
man I will call Ahmed got increasing pressure from his family
to take a wife. He, too, wanted a wife and family, so began
looking for an appropriate mate. Although very sophisticated
in manner and dress, Ahmed came from a very traditional
family, so had almost no direct interaction with proper,
eligible young women from his area of the country. He had
several criteria that he wanted in a wife: proper upbringing,
educated, preferably pretty and, most importantly, a
virgin. While at a cousin’s wedding, he saw a pretty girl,
some ten or 12 years younger than he, across the room.
They made eye contact and smiled at one another. After
the wedding, Ahmed asked friends and relatives about
the woman. What was she like? Was she nice? Was she
educated? Did she have a good reputation? Upon getting
all the right answers to his inquiries, he then arranged to
have the marriage contract negotiated. Once the dowry was
given and the contract signed, they were engaged. Then the
couple took several months getting to know one another to
determine if the choice was a good one. ‘Getting to know
one another’ meant they were able to go places together in
public, such as to a movie or shopping, and to find out if
their personalities would work together. Subsequently, the
marriage was finalised.
Arranged Marriages
The oldest tradition, that practised by the more conventional
Egyptians, is arranged marriages. Arranged marriages are
characterised by little or no choice for the woman and
sometimes the man. In all types of marriage arrangements,
it is customary for a family member to serve as broker for the
marriage contract. Most commonly, the broker is the father.
If the father is dead, another male family member, usually
an uncle or eldest brother, may serve as broker.