96 CultureShock! Egypt
In arranged marriages, the fathers of the prospective
couple sometimes negotiate the contract without consulting
anyone else. In these cases, the groom may or may not
have some influence. The groom’s mother also generally
maintains significant influence in this realm. The old-
fashioned way (which still goes on in many sectors of the
society) is essentially for the mother of the boy/man to
choose her son’s wife. Since the man could not really get to
know his prospective wife prior to the marriage, he has no
basis from which to choose other than recommendations
from family or friends. And since women socialise
together and know each other’s daughters, who is in a
better position to make a good recommendation than the
man’s mother?
Women would get together over coffee or tea to discuss
just which girls were available and who would make a good
wife. After careful discussion, one would be chosen as the
best prospect for the son’s wife. Often, the girl would have
been brought to meet the future mother-in-law if she were
not already known. Most of the time, of course, the girl would
be a cousin to the groom and, therefore, the future mother-
in-law would already know much about how the girl was
reared, including her temperament, reputation and beauty.
Then the marriage contract would be arranged between
the fathers.
In some ways, this process could work to the advantage of
both partners. A factor that enters the equation is the fact that
the man’s wife would traditionally come to live in his natal
home. She would spend much of her time under fairly direct
control of her mother-in-law. It was, therefore, important to
have a wife who was congenial not only with her husband,
but also with her mother-in-law. And since the couple is not
allowed to get to know one another through social interaction,
who else knows the young man’s behaviour and ideas better
than his mother? On the other hand, this assumes that the
boy’s mother wants a good, loving wife for her son. If, to the
contrary, the boy’s mother was particularly jealous of losing
her son’s devotion to a wife, she might best choose a wife
that was incompatible with her son’s personality. By doing