Social Interactions 97this, the mother could assure
that her son’s devotion was not
diluted by the wiles of his new
wife. According to people I have
talked to, both situations occur.
For women, the issue is a
little different. The possibility
of being wooed certainly must
enter many girls’ minds at some
point. However, for most girls,
not getting a husband may be a
more devastating prospect than
marrying someone she doesn’t
know. Marriage is the only real
way to ensure security, shelter
and family in the future. Even
marriage to a very old man one
doesn’t know is considered by
many Egyptian women to be a
better option than no marriage
at all.
You may now be asking yourself if the girl has a choice
about whether she marries the person chosen by her father?
Well, sometimes yes and sometimes no. Sometimes a
contract between families is arranged when the couple is
very young. Some village girls wear an engagement earring
even at the age of eight or nine years, indicating their parents
have already arranged their marriage. With these types of
marriages, the girl has no input or choice. At other times, the
girl’s mother had input in the negotiation, especially through
the selection process mentioned above. The girl can indirectly
influence the decision by showing unattractive behaviour
in front of a prospective mother-in-law, thereby decreasing
the chances she will be approved. Among other Egyptians,
a girl has the right of refusal and/or selection. Technically,
a girl is supposed to have the right of refusal, but this is not
always the case in reality. Choice of marriage partners in
arranged marriages is, more often than not, a matter of the
father’s discretion.
You almost have to be asking
yourself how could the kind of
male/female segregation replete
with arranged marriages lead
to some of the world’s oldest,
most tantalisingly romantic
poetry. I think one of the reasons
is because ideas of romantic
love were left to the realm of
the imagination. If you will
notice, much of the love poetry
revolves around unrequited love
from afar. Usually, the romantic
fantasy involves ardour for an
imaginary, silk draped maiden
or one seen momentarily in the
distance. In this poetry, men use
fl owery language and gestures
to win the love of the woman.
With these ideas in a man’s
head, marriage to an unknown
woman represents the occasion
to wed the fantasy with the real.
A woman known only through
brief eye conversation, if at
all, represents the ultimate in
hidden treasures.