Social Interactions 115Getting Around a Sticky Situation
I fi nd hospitality rules discomforting at times because I am a woman,
usually travelling alone, conducting business throughout Egypt. As a
result, I run into two factors. First, I am a guest in Egypt, therefore
should be shown hospitality. Second, since I am a woman, there is
the unwritten rule that men should fi nancially ‘take care of’ women.
Therefore, when I try to insist that I pay, I often meet resistance
even with people I have known a long time. I have fi gured out that
the way to get around this double problem is to insist, and I mean
absolutely insist—several times if necessary—that they must let me
pay because I am on an expense account (whether I am or not). This
takes the obligation out of their insistence because I have introduced
a third entity, so accepting my hospitality then becomes all right.
As an ‘independent woman’, this allows me to feel I am making my
contribution and not taking advantage of my Egyptian friends.Friendship
Most Western friendships require little in the form of
responsibilities back to the other person—a friend is just
someone whose company you enjoy. Being ‘friends’ in
Egypt is very different than in the West. Like love, friendship
develops rapidly in Egypt. There seem to be few grey
areas—people are either friends or strangers. If you are a
stranger, you can expect hospitality, but that is all. Once
you become a friend, you acquire a complicated web of
rights and responsibilities. Friendships require energy and
constant nurturing.
Westerners seem to deplore asking friends for ‘favours’.
On the other hand, Egyptian friends expect to be able to
ask favours of you and expect you to ask favours of them.
This is part of the responsibility of friendship. What does
this mean in terms of your life in Egypt? Well, if you are
not used to having people ask you to do favours for them,
a likely response will be to ‘feel used’. You may simply feel
imposed upon, but in any event, Egyptian friendships are
likely to be considerably more intense than you experience
at home. Just try to remember that if you weren’t considered
to be a friend, they probably would not ask. Furthermore,
many times a request for a favour may simply take the form
of suggesting ‘I want’ or ‘I would like’ to do something, to go