Learning the Language 219trying to hide anything; there is simply a cultural tendency
in China toward measured response, at least in public. It
is up to you to watch for those measured responses, and
adjust your style as needed. Otherwise, you may well
watch your new relationships crumble for reasons you may
never understand.
Second, and similarly, Chinese people also tend on the
whole to be a little more reserved than Westerners about
physical contact. Handshakes are more common than hugs
or kisses on the cheek, even among friends. Chinese people
you have known a long time may enjoy the novelty of a
Western hug, but it’s best to wait till you know people well.
A back-slapping style is generally not well-received. Even
handshakes among Chinese tend to be a little softer and more
tentative than the Western equivalents—though you may well
encounter Chinese who have heard that Westerners like firm
handshakes, and may respond with all the best intentions
by giving you a bone-crusher.
Third, Chinese people on the whole are significantly more
comfortable with silence than are Westerners, and tend to
leave longer pauses in their conversations, often deliberately
delaying responses to show respect to the speaker (i.e. “I must
consider how I respond to such a thought-provoking question
or comment.”) This fact probably explains more instances
of Sino-foreign miscommunication than any other. From the
Western perspective, the pregnant silence of a Chinese person
politely considering a response
may feel uncomfortable, and the
Westerner tends to rush in and
say something, anything, to fill
the silence.
From the Chinese perspective
meantime, the Western tendency
to interrupt, talk all the time and
never stop for a moment to
think about what to say or what
has been said makes it next
to impossible to get a word in
edgewise. Often, therefore, in
Silent Business
Tales abound of negotiations
where Westerners have made an
offer, and Chinese counterparts
remained silent. The Chinese may
have been merely considering
their response, but Westerners,
taking silence to mean anger,
may jump in offering immediately
to amend their own offer,
effectively negotiating against
themselves. Indeed, many
experienced Chinese negotiators
have found that with Westerners,
simple silence is their best
negotiating tool!