Cosmopolitan UK - 04.2020

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WORDS DANIELLA SCOTT.

A QUIET PLACE II

IS IN CINEMAS FROM 20TH MARCH

you

The second instalment of the silently sinister flick is here. But

could you really last in complete silence? Well, let’s see, shall

s nails,

us you’re

ou make

ook like

You’ve

e art of

ence so

get you.

y fever.

THE

END

Silence is no biggie to

you; you’ve got a better

internal monologue

than Lizzie McGuire.

But you do have

weaknesses: a loud and

deceptively crunchy

breakfast will prove to

be your downfall.

FIVE YEARS

TOPS

You’ll get through the

early years, but putting

you in the apocalypse

is like putting Alan Carr

on a sponsored silence.

Eventually you’ll sacrifice

yourself for a joke that

was just too good not

to tell.

A SOLID

INNINGS

Hey, the important thing

is you tried. But, let’s be

honest, you’d be gone

in three to five working

days. You’re gobby

and we love that about

you. But silence, my

friend, is just not your

specialist subject.

YOU’D BE THE

FIRST TO GO

Is Alan Titchmarsh around

for a quick pint?

Whittle a deadly

weapon out of

the offending

doorframe.

You internalise

the pain, silently

shedding a single

salty tear.

Black.

Like my

soul.

Fluoro orange:

vibrant

and fun!

A shouty monologue

that makes Gordon

Ramsay look PG.

Put

uncooked

rice in their

shoes. Send them a

totally chill,

ultra-casual

WhatsApp, while

screaming inside.

d and

must

talk

s.

Scream, wave

your arms and

jump around

ing.

Gruel with

a side of

intense

misery.

Granola,

toast or

Rice

Krispies.

Meryl

Streep

Gemma

Collins

Slut-dropping with Her Royal

Highness Sharpay Evans.

You bump into

a friend on a

night out. What

d d?

You have

a messy

housemate

so you...

If you could

be a celebrity

for a day, who

would it be?

You stub

your toe on a

doorframe. What’s

a reasonable

reaction?

IT’S

FRIDAY

NIGHT, HOW

ARE YOU

SPENDING

IT?

You’re ’ard a

and quieter, plu

resourceful. Yo

Bear Grylls lo

Mary Berry. Y

mastered the

sneezing in sil

nothing can g

Not even hay

UNTIL

BITTER

A cursory nod

move on –m

avoidsmall

at all cost

huggi

G

a

do youdo?

What’s your

dream

breakfast?

What colour

crayon would

you be?

ng

e