Cosmopolitan UK - 04.2020

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used to experiment, letting
in those who she had doubts
about. “I’d almost always
have to kick them back out
again for being rude to the
staff,” she says. “It would
remind me to trust myself.”
But mistakes happen. And if
you’re turned away, the best
thing you can do is handle it
well. Saskia recalls rejecting
a larger group who politely
said, “We’re really unhappy
as we’ve wanted to come

here for years. But
thank you for
considering us, have a
nice night.” They then
walked away calmly.
Appreciating this, she
chased after them,
invited them in and
bought them a round.
But for every group
who walks away
calmly, there’s another
who thinks they can
threaten their way
inside. All the bouncers
I spoke to have
experienced violence


  • from the time that
    Esther was punched to
    Eli having to barricade
    herself and her staff
    inside while a mob
    hurled stones at them.
    Incidents like this are
    rare but the insults
    are endless. And no
    amount of training can
    prepare you for the
    impact of being called
    a “bitch” (and much worse)
    night after night. Both Eli
    and Saskia scaled back their
    hours as a result. “I began
    to lose all empathy,” says Eli,
    “I started work pissed off.”
    Saskia found she was getting
    angrier in her daily life.
    Esther, at some points, was
    afraid to walk to the club,
    taking taxis to avoid being
    recognised. “It felt like the
    more I was at the door,
    the more bad situations
    occurred. I felt tired and
    empty.” She reflected on her
    life and wondered: “Was all
    I did ruin people’s fun?”


Sugar and spice
From the moment we are
born, there’s an expectation
placed firmly on women’s
shoulders to be “nice”. To

their outfits or pose for
selfies. Those in high
heels areoften turned
away – their footwear
a sign that they don’t
plan on dancing much.
Most prepare for a
night out in Berlin as
if they are going on an
expedition: donning
trainers and putting
hoodies in their
backpacks. The parties
can last anything from
12 hours to three days


  • thanks to licensing
    laws that don’t set
    a closing time. The
    sound systems are
    overpowering and
    sex is in the air: some
    places have hidden
    rooms where people
    can sneak off and do
    whatever they want.
    But in the legendary
    S&M KitKatClub,
    there’s no need for
    secret rooms – that’s
    what the dancefloors are
    for. Most people hold
    half-empty beer bottles,
    water or energy drinks –
    few down spirits. A desire
    to keep going as long as
    possible and a drinking
    culture that isn’t “who can
    get absolutely hammered
    quickest” means that
    clubbers are respectful.
    But one thing is not
    tolerated: photos. If you’re
    caught taking a picture,
    you’re thrown out within
    seconds. It’s so strictly
    prohibited that those at
    the door put stickers over
    people’s phone cameras.
    It doesn’t take long for
    Alina to decide who gets in.
    Each of the women I spoke
    to unanimously agreed that
    they make decisions based


on one thing: their gut
feeling. But this can be
hard to explain. “You can’t
tell guests, ‘So it’s my
personal feeling [that]
you’re not for the crowd,
bye!’ but that’s really how
it goes,” explains Saskia.
Esther says she sometimes
tests people by asking
them to crack jokes about
themselves. “I want to see if
they can be self-deprecating,”
she says. “I was always the
biggest bitch to those I’d
end up letting in, but I was
super-friendly to the people
I rejected. I’d say, ‘You’re
looking too good for this
place, this other club seems
to suit your style more.’”
Learning to trust your
gut instinct can be tough,
and take years to master. Eli

Esther would
reject people
to keep the
space safe

“We keep


the magic


unbroken



  • and that


has a cost”


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