Emotional Inf lexibility 131
To counteract this turmoil, psychologists who study
emotion recommend using a regulation strategy known as
decentering. Decentering refers to the notion that not all
thoughts (and feelings) should be clung to as absolute truths;
instead, thoughts and feelings should be held more loosely,
as objective events (Safran and Segal 1990). More simply,
decentering encourages you to quietly witness your
thoughts, without judgment, as they pass by. The key idea is
to learn that you don’t need to believe all of your thoughts,
and not all your thoughts are equally important; some are
important and should be noticed, but many are born out of
irrational ways of thinking or biases that you have
developed.
Exercise 5.3: Watch Your Ships Sail By Find a quiet and
comfortable place where you can sit upright on a chair (with an
unsupported back) or on a cushion on the floor. Adopt a relaxed
but alert posture. Once you are seated, set a timer to alert you when
five minutes have passed.
For those five minutes, mindfully and nonjudgmentally notice
any thoughts, emotions, or sensations that arise. If it helps, imagine
yourself watching ships sail by as you sit on the shore, but instead of
ships, allow your current mental and physical experience to pass by
you, without a filter and without judgment. There’s no need for you
to react to whatever you think and feel— this is simply an observa-
tional experience.
Repeat this exercise a few times each week. With enough
practice, you’ll be able to foster a nonjudgmental mind- set toward
anxious thoughts. By refraining from criticisms and negative judg-
ments of your thoughts, you’ll feel less of a need to worry and enjoy
more tranquility.