46 Don’t Let A nxiety Run Your Life
you that she will stay by your side the whole time, she ends
up leaving you alone. Negotiating these sorts of social situa-
tions can be especially tough, because it’s easy to create an
imaginary divide between you and the rest of the attendees.
It might be nerve- wracking to join in a conversation among
a small group of people or to introduce yourself to a single
person hovering over the food. You might worry about what
people will think of you, how well you will present yourself,
or whether you will find entertaining things to say. Even
with this heav y load on your shoulders, by fostering mind-
fulness as a skillful approach to managing your emotions,
you can alter the way you attend to these issues and achieve
lasting relief from anxiety.
Imagine that at this social engagement, you decide to
start a conversation with a woman whom you have never
met. You are worried that you don’t know what to say and
worried about how she will react; however, there’s no need
to identify yourself with these worries. You can allow nega-
tive thoughts, such as She will think I’m an idiot because I
don’ t know what to talk about and She will know I’m anxious
because my heart is racing a mile a minute, to pass. After all,
they are just thoughts. These unhelpful thoughts don’t have
to affect your perception of yourself unless you choose to eval-
uate them in a certain way. In other words, not judging nega-
tive thoughts as a ref lection of yourself can transform your
outlook from anxious to optimistic. By refraining from
making evaluations about what your thoughts must reveal
about you as a person, you will have a better chance of
meeting your goal: engaging this person in conversation.
Moreover, a judgment- free approach enables you to let
go of the need to react. Your pounding heart (or any physical