yearago,Iruthlesslydumped
three-quartersofmyclothingand
accessoriestotryoutacapsule
wardrobe–atightly-edited
selectionofonlythingsthatI
(actually)like.
Boy,whatjoyitsparked!Gonewerethe
thingsthatmademefeelabsolutelylousy,like
pantsIcouldnolongerfitinto,splurgesIfelt
guiltyaboutandbrokenthingsthatIdidn’t
careenoughtomend.
Thisyear,humansareonthepurgelist.
Yep,youheardright.Thesearen’t“starter”
friendsbutaspeciesthathasexistedlongenough
inthephonebooktogiveyouafairamountofjoy,
butalsounparalleledlevelsofpain.
AndIhavequitealargeandeclectic
collectioninthisdepartment,rathertragically.
There’stheemotionalvampire(whosaps
yoursoultillyouturnSmurf-blue);thesneaky-
snoop(whogleefullyratsonyoutoyourboss);
thepreacher-Jane(whocondemnsyouto
Dante’sInfernowithher 20 commandments);
theguilt-tripper(whokeepsscoresoflittle
favoursinexchangeformammothones);the
green-eyedmonster(whoseesgreen–thenred
whenyou’rehappy);theattention-seeker(who's
embarrassinglyloudandbrashinthemost
inappropriatecircumstances);andtheghoster
(whoshowsupwithasadfacetoborrow$200
beforeshe“vaporises”–andappearsmany
moonslater,actingasifnothinghappened).
Oh,let’snotforgetthechronicallyunhappy
girlfriendwhowaltzesaroundwithapermanent
scowlonherface,withanattitudethatrivals
WednesdayAddams.
Iwasn’tabouttoembarkonanyprojectin
somevainattemptto“turn”them–likeIwould
withmygardeningeffortstoturnwasteintosoil
fertiliserbydumpingtheminthecompost–in
thehopethattheresultwouldbeafriendship
blossominglikefreshtomatoes
inmybalcony.
Iwaswaypastit.
AspsychotherapistJean
Chen,directorofRelationship
Matter,putsit:“Oneneedsto
stoptoxicbehaviourandwork
towardsit,itdoesn’tgoaway
onitsown.”
OutofSight,OutofMind
So,itbegsthequestion:
Whydoweputupwithlousy
friendsforyears–andbecome
insufferablefools,whenwe’re
decisiveenoughtobreakup
withourpartnerswhenit
doesn’tfeelrightanymore?
Whydowefeelatingeof
guiltatthethoughtofcutting – JEAN CHEN
IT DOESN'T GO
AWAY ON ITS OWN."them loose – even if they’ve been stringing us
along for years, making us believe that they
really care?
Well, that’s because we sympathise with
the person’s past experiences and situation,
says Jean. “For example, if you don’t want to
lend the money to a friend to buy a handbag
she doesn’t need because it doesn’t change her
habit, you may feel that you’re not being a good
friend,” she explains.
“Yet if you do (lend her the money), you may
feel used in the long run. State your reasons
clearly and tell her that you care. Leave it to
her to decide if she wants to form a healthy
relationship or leave. If she chooses to stay but
not work it out, you can walk away.”
And walk away I did. When something is
completely out of sight, out of mind, it no longer
bothers you as much or at all.
I’m not saying that people are as disposable
as last season’s trends. Truth is, life’s too short
to be “saving” everyone from themselves at
your own expense.Operation Block Party
And desperate measures call for drastic actions
for my culling spree. I took the bad-boyfriend
approach, going beyond unfriending and
blocking on social media (a few just don’t get the
hint!) to devise an intricate and comprehensive
plan – Operation Block Party – that covered all
communication apps.
In four hours, I had successfully konmari-
ed a dozen names from Whatsapp, Viber,
Telegram, WeChat, two phones, and four
social media platforms.
It sparked a sense of relief – and joy.
I was never ever going to be robbed of my
emotions again – or from my purse.
Just as with my wardrobe, I’ve resolved to
invest only in what I love – people who love me
back without drama.A
PHOTOEVERETT COLLECTION"ONE NEEDS
TO STOP109