from fear about the future to anger and even
jealousy of fellow patients less disabled than
me. Along with my family, James was always
visiting, encouraging and supporting me.AN INDEPENDENT LIFE
A few weeks after I moved to Stoke
Mandeville in May 2014, we had sex for the
first time since my accident at a local hotel
James was staying at while he visited me. I
felt nervous beforehand. Would I feel anything?
Would I be able to give him pleasure? But it
was a defining moment in my recovery. Yes,
he had to lift me on to the bed, propping me
up on pillows and we were limited with
positions, but it didn’t matter. Realising sexin 2008, but we’d had
our ups and downs
and it had run
its course.
Lying in hospital,
I had enough
movement in my
hand to use my
phone and was
shocked to find an
email from him. He
had no idea about my
accident. It was sheer
coincidence he’d got in touch,
telling me he was missing me. I replied,
telling him what had happened. He came to
the hospital the next day and kissed me as if
nothing had changed. He saw past the tubes
and wires and I felt a surge of hope that
I could be “me” again. There was no “let’s
get back together” conversation – it was
unspoken that he was there for me.
I spent two months in St Mary’s Hospital
in London before being transferred to Stoke
Mandeville Hospital in Buckinghamshire,
which has a specialist spinal injuries centre.
I experienced every emotion imaginable,L
ying on a faux-fur throw, my date
gently kissed me. After a romantic
meal, we’d come back to mine to
take our fledgling relationship to
the next stage. We were just like any other
new couple, looking forward to being intimate
for the first time. Except for the fact that I’m
tetraplegic, meaning I’m paralysed from the
chest down with very limited movement in my
arms. Although I’m still able to have sex and
even climax.
I’m very open about the fact I enjoy sex, but
that admission has been met with disbelief at
times. There remains a stigma around disabled
people having sex and I want to remove that.
Before the accident that left me paralysed,
I was a successful bridal hair and make-up
artist. Then, in March 2014, I arrived
home from a meal and,
desperate for the loo, ran
upstairs. I lost my
footing and fell
backwards,
crashing to the
floor at the bottom.
I ended up with a
serious spinal cord
injury near the
base of my neck.
My memories of
my housemate
finding me and
paramedics arriving
are hazy and I wasn’t
even aware I couldn’t feel
much of my body. Rushed into
surgery, I was put into an induced
coma. I woke up three weeks later in intensive
care with my family at my bedside. I had a
feeding tube and a tracheostomy to help me
breathe. It was terrifying and as I was on high
doses of morphine, I was very confused. When
doctors told me the damage to my spine wasn’t
fixable – I‘d never walk again – I struggled to
take it in. I was 34 and it felt like a nightmare.
At the time of my accident, I was single,
my last relationship having ended six months
earlier. James, now 40, and I had been
together for five years, after meeting online
‘A horror stair
fall left me in
a wheelchair’
Left tetraplegic in 2014, Heidi Herkes, 40, from London, is determined to
live a normal life and smash the taboo around disabled people and sex
‘Having sex
was a defining
moment in my
recovery’
James was
a supportive
boyfriendHeidi in
hospital