my sex life and were brilliant at
being discreet.
In March 2019, James and I split
up amicably. He plans to return to
his native New Zealand and that’s
not an option for me. Although
it didn’t work out, it restored my
confidence and helped me realise
it’s possible to be disabled and
have a healthy sex life.
So, in May 2019 I started online
dating. I didn’t know if men would
see past the wheelchair in my
profile picture and want to get to
know me. My experiences so far
have been mixed. While I get a
respectable amount of swipes and
likes, not as many men message
me compared to when I used
online sites before the accident.
Others are curious and will ask
how long I’ve been in a
wheelchair, but when I explain
what happened some have
ghosted me. I do understand – in
my old life, I don’t know if I’d have
dated someone with my disability.
I realise it can be a scary prospect.CAPABLE IN BED
However, I’ve met some lovely
men and had some great dates.
They’ve all been older – I think
being more mature, they’re more
interested in what lies beyond
someone’s appearance. I’ve been
told my resilience and confidence
are attractive, as well as the fact
I’m bubbly and positive about life.
If I go to a date’s house, my
PA will drop me off and collect
me and they’re just at the end of
the phone if I need them. I’ve yet
to have sex with anyone I’ve dated
but I’ve come close. I think they
were surprised how capable I am
in bed and how I’m not shy about
giving directions! At first, they
were a bit nervous, in case they
hurt me, but then they saw I was
relaxed and enjoying myself.
I have my own YouTube channel
and last year I released a video
about how to have a sexual
relationship when you’re in
a wheelchair. It’s been viewed
around 470,000 times! I hope
I can inspire other disabled
people to recognise they
deserve a good sex life too.
I’m waiting for someone I want
to be in a proper relationship with.
I’m able to have children but don’t
know if that’s something I want. I hope the
right guy is out there because, despite my
disability, I have a lot to give, not only
emotionally and practically but sexually too.
In the meantime, I’ll carry on having fun
until I find him.
EIMEAR O’HAGANheidiherkes.com, Instagram @heidiherkespersonal stylist. I’m naturally positive,
but of course there were days when
I struggled. It wasn’t always easy for us
as a couple, either. I didn’t want James
to be my carer, so our relationship had to
cope with the presence of my PAs, who do
everything from helping me wash to cooking
my meals and sleeping in the next room in
case I need help in the night. We made it work
though and my PAs would also help me get
ready when James was spending the night –
lighting candles and dressing me in sexy
nightwear. They’ve always been supportive ofwas something I could still do, when there
was so much I couldn’t, was empowering.
When I was discharged in December 2014,
I temporarily moved back to my family home in
Wales before returning to London in February
- I moved into an adapted ground floor
flat, determined to lead as independent a life
as possible. I have a team of round-the-clock
carers, who I prefer to call PAs, and use an
electric wheelchair and my own car, driven
by a PA, to navigate the city.
James and I remained a couple for the next
four years, while I launched a new career as a
REAL LIFE
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