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LOBSTERS
The best crustacean cameos
10 OF THE BEST
THE LIGHTHOUSE
‘You’re fond o’ me lobster!’
shouts Willem Dafoe’s salty
seadog to Robert Pattinson’s
wickie newbie. The shellfish
delicacy is certainly the best
of the things they put in their
mouths during their cabin-
fever meltdown. Want a side
of lamp oil with that?EBIRAH, HORROR
OF THE DEEP
Godzilla is awoken from his
slumber in order to fight giant
shellfish Ebirah in this kaiju
classic. The sea-dweller taunts
the Big G with claw clapping
and batting rocks about before
he’s taught a lizard lesson.
Were you needing that pincer?ARCHIPELAGO
While on a family holiday,
Edward (Tom Hiddleston)
discusses how to humanely kill
lobsters with the cook. Bringing
them slowly to the boil puts
them in a coma, she informs
him. An adept description of
the family dynamics at work in
Joanna Hogg’s exemplary film.THE LITTLE
MERMAID
Sebastian, Ariel’s cheery
cohort, is red despite not being
cooked and also has a full set of
human teeth so... Regardless,
he delivers crowdpleaser ‘Under
The Sea’ in this Disney corker
advising it’s better down where
it’s wetter. A rule for life. JCANNIE HALL
Alvy (Woody Allen) and Annie
(Diane Keaton) rent a beach
house and have a kitchen
kerfuffle when lobsters escape
their paper bag and run for
cover. The duo try to corral
them with an oar while
photographing proceedings.
Long Island supper fail.THE LEGO
BATMAN MOVIE
After a hard day of crime-
fighting, the Lego Batman likes
nothing more than a lobster
thermidor that he microwaves
enigmatically while rocking a
silk dressing gown and cowl,
and eats astride a jet ski in the
Bat Lagoon. Your move, R-Pattz.SPLASH
Mermaid Madison (Daryl
Hannah) betrays her oceanic
origins during a fancy date
night with Allen (Tom Hanks)
as she tears into her shellfish,
tail, legs and all. Vegan Hannah
was so distressed about the
scene that the lobster meat was
replaced with mashed potatoes.VENOM
Eddie’s feeling a bit hot and
bothered after being infected
with parasitical venom and
doesn’t cover himself in glory
at a posh restaurant when he
goes gonzo, sinking into the
lobster tank like slipping into
a warm bath, before chowing
on a live decapod. Bill, please!THE NAKED GUN 2½:
THE SMELL OF FEAR
A lobster dinner at the Bush
White House goes predictably
wrong when detective Frank
Drebin (Leslie Nielsen) digs into
his dish. Meat splatters, a claw
makes a boob grab, lemons fly
and Babs Bush gets a fist to the
face. Puerile perfection.MULTIPLE
MANIACS
Lady Divine (Divine) flops on
her sofa after a killing spree
and, this being a John Waters
film, is raped by a passing giant
crustacean, Lobstora. Waters’
inspo was Dali, Jack Smith
and a Provincetown postcard,
combined with LSD and weed.01
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GAMESRADARCOM/TOTALFILM APRIL 2020 | TOTAL FILMBOOSTING YOUR MOVIE GENIUS
TO GOD-LIKE PROPORTIONS