2020-04-01_Total_Film

NEWFAMILY
We’vegrowntolove
themlikecousins–
butarewelikelyto
seeanyoftheStar
Warsthirdwave
faceseveragain?

BLU

DVD RAY & VOD

APRIL 2020 | TOTAL FILM



ARE YOU A SKYWALKER?

Do you look on the light side? Or are you a family-ties fighter? Find out below!

in the flush of summer. Equally good for impaling.

b) Redder than Hellboy’s nether regions after a

hot-wing challenge washed down with a pint of Tabasco.

c) Don’t mind, so long as there’s a ‘This Way Up’ sticker

to save me from a hapless self-puncturing.

WHOAREYOURBESTPALS?

a) Chatty droids, fluffy monsters, cuddly space-

puffins... My Facebook basically looks like the Disney

Store’s plushie aisle.

b) There is only one true ally, the living Force. Though

I’d send it to the firing squad if I got the vaguest sense

it was giving me side-eye.

c) Lend us a tenner and the gig’s yours.

WHICHFILMTITLESBEST

DESCRIBE YOU?

a) Cool Hand Luke, Tw i n s, Getting Even With Dad.

b) The Hate U Give, The Great Dictator, Choke.

c) Happy-Go-Lucky, A Face In The Crowd, Slacker.

YOUHAVEAVISIONWHATDO

YOU  SEE?

a) Massive plot spoilers or someone I fancy but

really rather shouldn’t.

b) Something messy involving a close family member

or line manager. Sort of CSI: Throne Room.

c) Myself wearing one trouser in a hidden exam room

in my childhood home where it’s rainin... stop licking,

Snowbell! I know it’s Whiskas o’clock!

YOUBEHOLDABINARYSUNSET

DOYOU...

a) Gaze yearningly at it, ruminating profoundly on the

total, total unfairness of everything.

b) Rage at its smug double-ness and vow that one day,

you will hunt down and destroy anything that comes in

a pair, including socks.

c) Shrug, take a selfie, wonder what’s for dinner.

YOUMEETANELDERLYFIGUREFULL

OFARCANEWISDOMDOYOU...

a) Absorb the entirety of their boundless wisdom in

about three scenes.

b) Heed their warnings, take on board their criticisms,

then rip them a new one.

c) Patronisingly tell them how great they look for

their age then make a hollow promise to “pop round

in the week”.

HOWAREYOURPILOTINGSKILLS?

a) I have a preternatural gift for flying whatever gets

the plot from A to B.

b) Extraordinary. Especially given I nip about in

a low-visibility mask and cockpit-filling cape.

c) Put it this way, I can’t use a shopping trolley unless

it’s got training wheels.

WHAT’SYOURPREFERRED

SABER COLOUR?

a) Blue like the heavens or as green as Mother Nature

IF YOU ANSWERED

MOSTLY A...

YOU WALK

THE ’WALKER

IF YOU ANSWERED

MOSTLY B...

YOU’VE HAD

A DARTH TURN

IF YOU ANSWERED

MOSTLY C...

FOR YOU, ‘DESTINY’

IS A PS4 GAME

TF TEST