List your options
To move from “analysis
paralysis” to problem-solving,
ask yourself what your three
best choices are, urges Boyes.
For example, if you’re worried
your parent’s home health
aide isn’t living up to your
expectations, list your options
(such as give her more time,
ask for a replacement, give her
a daily checklist). A short list
of ideally three, and no more
than six, concrete actions
helps stop second-guessing
and boosts our confidence.Your d ecisions are good
“Overthinkers believe, If I
continue thinking about this,
I’ ll find the ideal solution,”
says Carbonell. “But when we
go down this path, we’re less
likely to reach our goal.” Tosays Boyes, who suggests
identifying a perceived mis-
take you can’t stop churning
in your head and writing
about it for three minutes
from a compassionate per-
spective. “Extending under-
standing to yourself helps put
the brakes on overthinking.”Use a ‘worry window’
“Intrusive thoughts often
happen when we’re trying
to focus on something else.
Because we’re so used to
pushing them away, we never
give them our full attention,”
reveals psychologist David
Carbonell, Ph.D., who
recommends schedul-
ing 10-minute win-
dows of time, ideally
twice a day, during
which you can worry
with freedom. This
is most effective done
aloud. “When our worries
stay unspoken, they repeat on
a loop,” he says. “Saying them
out loud stops that cycle and
lowers our anxiety.”You’re just imaginative!
Some of us have a brain that
goes into overdrive, consider-
ing every possible outcome.
“It’s easy to think of this as
a defect,” says expert Alice
Boyes, Ph.D. “But over-
thinking is an evolutionary
advantage —if you detect a
potential danger, you’re not
supposed to stop thinking
about it.” In fact, this trait is
linked with greater powers of
imagination. Just knowing it
isn’t a character flaw is the first
step toward cultivating the
strongest weapon against
intrusive thoughts:
self-kindness.Extend empathy
Overthinkers tend
to believe that being
hard on themselves
motivates them to do
better. But just the oppo-
site is true. “Giving yourself a
compassionate message—even
a simple, Don’t beat yourself
up—increases motivation,”curb the pursuit of the impos-
sible perfect solution, practice
being decisive about small stuff,
like which movie to watch. Says
Boyes, “The more we practice
letting go, the more mental
f lexibility we develop.”Let go of fear
Behind so much overthinking
is a fear of uncertaint y, says
Bible teacher Joyce Meyer. But
thinking about something
excessively only leaves us more
fearful, she says, while choos-
ing to pray instead “makes us
bold—we realize we don’t have
to be a fraid of ma k ing mis-
takes.” Mindfulness is just as
vital: Watch the wind rustle the
trees or listen to your breath.
Says Boyes, “Over time, you’ll
learn to return to the present—
to stop overthinking and enjoy
the serenity of the moment.”“Help me stop
overthinking! ”
Our experts share how to free yourself from
‘sticky thoughts’ caused by overanalysis and
turn your focus toward the positive and proactive
Create calm
Cue action
Ask (^) America’s Ultimate Experts
Ge
tty
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ex
t:^ K
ati
e^ A
lbe
David Carbonell, Ph.D., rts
is a clinical psychologist
and author of The Worry
Tr ick and Outsmart Your
Anxious Brain. More at
AnxietyCoach.com.
Alice Boyes, Ph.D., author
of The Healthy Mind Toolkit
and The Anxiety Toolkit,
is an emotions expert
and popular blogger at
PsychologyToday.com.
Joyce Meyer is one of the
world’s leading practical
Bible teachers, host of the
TV and radio show Enjoying
Everyday Life and author of
The Everyday Life Bible.
Our expert panel
26 4/13/20^ Woma n’s World