96 newyork| march30–april12, 2020
THEAPPROVALMATRIX Ourdeliberatelyoversimplifiedguidetowhofallswhere onourtastehierarchies.
brillianthighbrowlowbrowdespicablePHOTOGRAPHS: CNN (TRUMP, CUOMO BROTHERS); KEN HOWARD (MET OPERA); DIGBYDALTON/WIKIMEDIA (NYC SKYLINE); © JEAN-FRANÇOIS JAUSSAUD; © THE EASTON FOUNDATION/LICENSED BY VAGA AT ARTISTS RIGHTS SOCIETY (ARS), NEW YORK (MEGAGALLERIES); WASHINGTON AREA SPARK/FL
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OMAN); THEQUARANT
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YWHERE); MADONNA/INSTAGRAM (MADONNA); NETFLIX (LOVE IS BLIND); COURTESY OF NINTENDO (ANIMAL CROSSING); NETFLIX (TIGER KING); JO BLAKELEY/FLICKR (QUACKERY); AYNRANDPAULRYAN/TWITTER (IF I GET CORONA); THE WEEKND/YOUTUBE (THE WEEKND); RYAN.HEFFINGTON/INSTAGRAM (HEFFINGTON)
Can Trump be put
on trial for being
a pandemic
war criminal?Right-wing coronavirus
eugenics.The president is also
deliberately shortchanging
New York, the epicenterof
the crisis, in his response toit.WoodyAllenwas
goingtogetthat
memoirpublished
nomatterwhat!Tristan und social
isolation! Streaming
Met Opera at home.Megagalleriesmove
theirartonline,
whichis waymore
convenientthan
WestChelseaanyway.Maybeyoulostyour
job,butatleastyou
can’tgetevictedright
nowinNYC.DonHertzfeldt’sIt’s
Sucha BeautifulDay
isfreeonVimeo.AndrewCuomo,
finallycharming.
Especiallywhenhe
Powerpoints...... Andwealsoenjoy
watchingyoubicker
withyourbrother,
ChrisCuomo.HBO’sThePlot Against
America: evenif it’s
maybea bittooonthe
noserightnow.Madonna vows that
she will definitely be a
“more tolerant person”
post-pandemic.The Weeknd’s
gruesome “In
Your Eyes”
music video.AnimalCrossing:New
Horizons: ananti-
anxiety oasisforthe
Nintendo Switch.Tiger King
on Netflix.
Meow!CVSBangers
VolumeFouris music
topanic-shopto.Little Fires Everywhere:
Who knew Ohio wasin
any way entertaining?Stressbaking. AlisonRoman
becomes the
domesticgoddess
oftheapocalypse.Love Is Blind and
The Circle renewed—
since we’re never
going outside again.Ryan Heffington’s
daily live Instagram
dance parties.@quarantinecrew—
andtherestoftheIG
FOMOpreeners.NYCfacesapups-to-
adoptshortage.Anxiety-induced
shortnessofbreath.Grindr YOLO
coronaorgies.VanessaHudgens,
logoff. Andsoare ... workersat
GuitarCenter?TaylorSwiftvs. Kim
Kardashian. Seems a bit petty
torelitigate right now.Or if you want to
stream something
more experimental:
ontheboards.tv.JessicaLustig’sharrowing
“WhatI LearnedWhen
MyHusbandGotSickWith
Coronavirus.”Respiratorsare onething.
Butwecan’tmake enough
75-centfacemasks?“Supercharged
Slovenianphilosopher”
SlavojŽižekcashesinby
releasinga quickiebook
onthecoronavirusthat
willleaveyou—yes—
“gaspingforbreath.”Masslayoffsmean
millionssuddenly
unemployed ...... But if you’re
undocumented,
you’re getting
no benefits.Hedgie Bill Ackman
makes $2 billion shorting
the market, pledges to
use it to help virus victims
(cough, not really).RobertKolker’s
compassionate
HiddenValley Road.Souvankham
Thammavongsa’s
cutting How to
Pr onounce Knife:
Stories.At least the air is
the cleanest
it’s been in years.Acorn TV’s free trial lets
you stream Slings &
Arrows—which is
Shakespeare but fun.Ben Katchor’s illustrated
ode to the blintzes
and pierogies of yore,
The Dairy Restaurant.“
I
Now is the time for
deep-state expertise,
don’t you think?Luxury towers keep rising
since construction
workers are considered
“essential.”Internet-bred
COVID-cure quackery.