BBC Focus 02.2020

Psychopathscanbe

charming,intense

andexciting,but

theylackempathy.

ASVALENTINE’SDAYROLLS
AROUNDAGAIN,FORENSIC

PSYCHOLOGISTKERRYDAYNES
EXPLAINSHOWNOTTODATEA

PSYCHOPATH

NEEDTO

KNOW...

I THINKI’MDATINGA
PSYCHOPATH.SHOULDI WORRY?
If you’reaskingyourselfwhetherornot
you’redatinga psychopath,thenthatin
itselfis tellingyousomething.Your
partneris unlikelytobea psychopath,
butit couldbea signthatyou’redating
someoneyoushouldn’tbe.Perhapsit’s
timetorethinkyourrelationship.

HOWCANI TELL?
Psychopathslackempathyandare
pronetoantisocialbehaviour.ey’re
oenimpulsive,coerciveandintense,
butnotwopsychopathsarethesame
andthere’snosinglesigntolookoutfor.
Lookforclustersofbehaviourthatmake
youfeeluncomfortable.

HOWLIKELYAMI TOBEDATING
APSYCHOPATH?
Mostpeoplewhoshowthesebehaviours
aren’tpsychopathsatall.ey’re
probablyjust*****.About1 to3 per
centofthepopulationaregenuine
psychopaths,butdespitewhatthemedia
portrays,fewpsychopathsarerapistsor
murderers.I workwithcriminal
psychopaths,whodobreakthelaw,but
mostpsychopathsaren’tlawbreakers.
Wecallthem‘successfulpsychopaths’
becausetheyoenendupwithhigh
prole jobsinareaslikepolitics,
businessandthemilitary.

ISITEASYTOFALLFORAPSYCHOPATH?

eycanbecharming;somemorethanothers.Onestudy

showedthatAmericanpsychopathsaremorecharmingthan

Glaswegianones!Psychopathsarepronetograndideasand

gestures.eycanbeintenseandexcitingtobearound.e

problemis thatoen,theirgesturesfeelhollowbecausethe

daytodayempathyis lacking.

CANPSYCHOPATHSMAKEGOODPARTNERS?

It’saboutwhatyou’relookingfor.If youwanttogooutwith

someonewho’ssuccessful,excitingandcharming,butprobably

notthemostsensitiveorreliablepartner,it’suptoyou.I think

you’dbefoolishtoexpectanylongtermcommitmentfrom

a psychopath.

AREYOULIKELYTOMEETAPSYCHOPATHONAN

ONLINEDATINGSITEORAPP?

It’spossible.ere’scertainlya psychopathicculturearound

internetdating.erearesomanyindividualstotalktoonline,

it’seasytostopthinkingofthemaspeopleandtreatthembadly.

e anonymityofonlinedatingcanmakepeoplefeelthat

they’renotpersonallyaccountablefortheirbehaviour.It causes

changesinkeybrainregionsthatarelinkedtoaggressionand

poordecisionmaking,andmayhelpexplainwhysomepeople

feelit’sokaytoberudetoothersonline.

WHAT’STHEBESTWAYTODUMPAPSYCHOPATH?

Don’tbefrightenedofdumpingthem.Mostpsychopathsare

quiteckle.eylookatrelationshipsintermsofwhat’sinit

forthem.Whetherornotthey’reeasytodumpdependsonthe

valueyouhavetothem.

It couldbethatyoudumpthemandtheythenmoveonto

thenextpartnerwhothey’vebeenseeingbehindyourbackfor

thelastthreeweeks.You’refree.

Don’tbeworried

aboutdumping

a psychopath.

Theyprobably

won’tcare.

Themajorityof

psychopathsare

notlawbreakers.

K E R R Y

DAY NES

Kerryis an

independent

forensic

psychologist

andauthor.Her

memoir,TheDark

SideOfTheMind

(£7.99,Octopus),is

outinpaperback

thismonth.

Interviewedby

DrHelenPilcher.

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A SCIENTIST’S

GUIDE TO LIFE

HOW NOT

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ILLUSTRATION: JAMES MINCHALL