Another reason for the difference in attitudes and in emotional attachments
to mothers and fathers can be found in a comment of one of the Tosafists on
Lev. 19:3: “R. Abraham wrote: The reason for mentioning the mother before
the father is that a young child knows his mother first and then his father.”^11
This explanation expresses the division of labor in the medieval family. Moth-
ers cared for young children; fathers did not. Midrash Aseret haDibrot, a story
compilation of the Ten Commandments that was popular in Ashkenaz during
the Middle Ages, expands on this idea. In it, God says:
Fathers who you were born from, honor them like you honor me. He who is
Blessed said: The belly that gave birth to you, honor. The breasts you nursed from,
cherish. For they were with me when I created you for it says: “You shall each re-
vere his mother and his father.”^12This explanation for why mothers deserve to be honored emphasizes the
mother’s role in taking care of her children and, especially, physically bearing
and feeding them. Fathers were to be honored because of their paternity, but
unlike mothers, no actions of theirs are mentioned in this context.^13
Medieval Christian authors commenting on the same verses outlined a sim-
ilar gender hierarchy and placed fathers before mothers; they also presented
a gendered division of labor, and provided two reasons for honoring each par-
ent, both reminiscent of those mentioned by the Jewish authors. The first ex-
planation for the honoring of fathers more than mothers was the woman’s ob-
ligation to honor her husband. Like their mother, children were obligated first
to honor their fathers, and only then, their mothers.^14 The other reason for
giving precedence to fathers was related to medieval medical theories of em-
bryology and conceptions of birth and infant care. While the mother provided
the surroundings for the fetus in utero and protected it while its body parts
were forming, the father was understood as contributing the brains and the
spirit of the infant.^15 For example, Thomas Aquinas (1225–1274), much like
the author of Midrash Aseret haDibrot, suggested that children were to honor
their fathers in gratitude for their creation and their education, and their
mothers in recognition of their sorrow and pain in birth and their devoted
care.^16
This approach to parenthood and, in this specific case, to parents’ funda-
mental merits, was shared by both Jews and Christians in the Middle Ages. The
idea expressed in Jewish sources is also found in Christian commentary on the
verse: “But we were gentle among you, like a nurse (trofov~) taking care of her
children” (1 Thess. 2:7). The commentators explain that mothers naturally
provide care for their children, and that this care is the reason for honoring and
respecting them.^17 These merits of women are often mentioned when dis-
cussing the Virgin Mary and the reasons for honoring her. In some sources, a
comparison is made between the honor deserved by parents to that due the
Virgin: