press the church authorities, evoke her efforts during the early years of her son’s
life:
Since the boy is still an infant, he needs the care of a mother more than that of a
father. Furthermore, the burden of bearing and the pain of giving birth to him,
and the toil of the time after his birth, are known to have been hers; this is why
the lawful union of husband and wife is called matrimony rather than patrimony.
Thus, it is more fitting for the said boy to remain in the care of the mother, rather
than go to the father who had recently become a Christian.^41The mother’s description of her dedication to her child repeats the common
theme of mothers as worthy of credit and respect because of their role in nur-
turing infants. She does not mention her role in the child’s upbringing, prob-
ably because it would have been disadvantageous to her plea. Gregory IX cer-
tainly did not want to hear of her role in educating her child.
The ages mentioned in this story are significant. Although the boy is four,
the mother emphasizes how close to infancy he still is and suggests that it is
more fitting that the boy remain with her. In a similar vein, the papal ruling
also refers to his age, in arguing that the boy is old enough to be taken away
from his mother, “to the greatest advantage of the Christian faith.” It seems
from the text that had he been less than three years old, the decision in the case
might have been different. One can only wonder what the ruling might have
been had the case been that of a daughter rather than a son.
Besides dividing responsibilities between the two parents, the sources also
distinguish between mothers’ and fathers’ love for their children. The care
mothers provided their children was seen as an expression of “natural love.”
Fathers, on the other hand, were expected to do more for their children, and
especially, for their sons, and the emphasis was on their care for their older chil-
dren. If they were concerned only with their children’s physical welfare, they
were reprimanded, whereas women were praised for tending to infants’ needs.
Sefer H·asidimprovides advice on this topic as well:
“The fear of the Lord is the beginning of knowledge; fools despise wisdom and
discipline” (Prov. 1:7). How is discipline and wisdom connected to the beginning
of knowledge? It says “My son, heed the discipline of your father and do not for-
sake the instruction of your mother” (ibid., 8). According to the letter of the law,
one need not love children before they begin to fear and love God for it says
“Those who love me I love” (ibid., 8:17). For if a man loves the bodies of his chil-
dren as a dog loves his pups, and as all other creatures [love their offspring], of this
it is said: “Man is in no way superior to the beast” (Eccles. 3:19). But if a man loves
for the sake of Heaven, [he should love] their souls more than their bodies. For
example, if he leads his sons and daughters in the dark or in a place that he sees
is not safe for their bodies, he summons his male and female servants, or he him-
self walks with them, lest they be harmed in body or be pained. How much more,