sponse to the death of the Z·addik to the death of children, explaining that the
grief parents feel after the death of their children helps such people atone for
their sins, including that of their improper response to the Z·addik’s death.^60
The claim that children’s deaths are a consequence of the parents’ sins is a
common one in medieval literature. For example, R. Eleazar b. Judah of
Worms explains that his loved ones died because of his sins after the death of
his wife and daughters.^61
The anguish and sorrow felt by parents upon the death of their children is
said to atone for their sins.^62 For example:
There are people of whom it is decreed that their children will die without suc-
cessors, and they [the children] die at ten years of age and older. And why did they
not die young, at age one, so that he [the parent/father] would not be so sad? Be-
cause it is known to the Creator of the world at what hour a person will experi-
ence great sorrow and be condemned to die, and the son dies so that the father or
the mother will live. This is why the child lived until age ten, so that the father
will be deeply sorrowful, and he will be atoned for [by the sorrow] and live.^63In this case the child dies for his parent’s sin, and his death is not only a pun-
ishment, but also an atonement.^64
Another passage in Sefer H·asidimdescribes the great sorrow felt by parents
upon the death of their children and the atoning power of that sorrow:
The students were sitting in front of their rabbi. One said: “May it be [God’s will]
that my wife will conceive, if the infant is born alive; if not, may she not conceive.”
His friend said: “May my wife conceive.” His friend [the first speaker] said: “And if
it [the baby] dies, it would be better if it were never born, for it says: ‘Do not delude
your maidservant’ (2 Kings 4:16) and ‘Don’t mislead me’ (4:28). And when the baby
is born I will pray that it will live.” The wise man said: “There are infants, boys or
girls, that redeem their father or mother from death or troubles as it says: ‘Jacob who
redeemed Abraham’ (Isa. 29:22).^65 Some are ordained to death or sorrow for the fa-
ther’s or the mother’s sake; the child dies and the father or mother are sad, and this
sorrow redeems him, for ‘from all sorrow there is some gain’ (Prov. 14:23).^66Nevertheless, this grief was supposed to remain within bounds. There were
times when mourning was not appropriate. For example, parents were in-
structed to not be too sad about their children’s death on the High Holidays,
days that were considered days of judgment:
On the Judgment Day, those who are worthy and equal stand together. And the
father should not be sad that his son is not with him, because the joy of the Gar-
den of Eden and the joy of basking in the light of the Divine Presence [Shekhina]
remove all sorrow and grief.^67
In short, the medieval sources criticize parents who mourn the death of their
children too much; yet they acknowledge that such mourning is not unusual