How to criticize
Feedback is one of the most sensitive processes in communication. It is
easy to hurt people with criticism, but false compliments are also
unhelpful. Harsh criticism damages our self-esteem and can lead us to
make unwise choices, but flowery compliments often make us too
complacent.
As for the person giving the feedback: most people are prone to being
critical, as it gives them a feeling of superiority. They feel like they need
to crush bad or weird ideas.
Feedback can be analysed along two axes: it can be negative or positive
and constructive or destructive. So this gives us four different types of
feedback.
- ‘No’ – negative, destructive feedback: you are simply told the idea is
bad without being given an explanation or offered an alternative. While
this can be at times an effective feedback it seldom changes the
behaviour of the receiver.- ‘No, because ...’ – negative, constructive feedback: you are told
you’re wrong and then you are presented with the correct answer. This is
how old-school teaching works.- ‘Yeah, but ...’ – positive, destructive feedback: most managers have
sooner or later heard about the importance of giving positive feedback.
So they start off by saying something positive about your idea, just to
deconstruct it afterwards and offer a contrary opinion (‘The idea is
good, but ...’).- ‘Yes, and ...’ – the appreciative response: try to find the one thing in
the proposal that works and build on that. This goes back to
‘appreciative inquiry’, a method attributed to an American, David
Cooperrider, that involves concentrating on the strengths, positive
attributes and potential of a company or a person, rather than
weaknesses. According to this theory, focusing too strongly on the flaws
of an idea or project stifles the open and positive approach that is
essential for good working practices.