How to talk to children (even if you don’t have any of your
own)
If you’ve ever asked a child: ‘How was school today?’ or tried to explain
to a toddler that it shouldn’t feed washing powder to the cat, you know that
good communication can be more complicated than algebra. So here are
some tips from parenting experts:
· Be a role model: actions speak louder than words. A child won’t
understand that he shouldn’t scream if you scream at him.· Correct content, not form: the child says: ‘I draw horsy.’ That’s fine, as
long as she is drawing a horse.· Be consistent: ‘no’ means ‘no’ – even when the child is having a tantrum
at the supermarket check-out. Loophole: only make threats that you can
go back on without losing face. So don’t say: ‘If you don’t stop right
away we won’t go away on holiday.’· Implement threats immediately: children learn more quickly and
effectively if you carry out your threats straight away. Instead of taking
away a toy once for a whole week (long duration, small effect), it is
better to take away the toy ten times for two minutes (small duration, big
effect).· Praise an action, not the child: ‘What you’re doing is great’ is better
than ‘You’re great.’· Ignore bad behaviour: when a child does not behave according to your
expectations, but isn’t putting himself or others in danger, it is better to
ignore him than to rebuke him (‘selective attention’).· Offer alternatives: give your child different options, but never more
than two, and only if an alternative makes sense (there is no alternative
to teeth brushing).· Tell a child what she should do, and not what she shouldn’t do: it’s
better to say: ‘Please slow down’ than ‘Don’t run!’· Ask questions that can be answered: ‘How was school today?’ is as
difficult for your child to answer as it would be for you to answer: ‘How