When you spend your whole life defining yourself in one way and that
disappears, who are you now?
Military veterans and former entrepreneurs report similar feelings.
If your identity is wrapped up in a belief like “I’m a great soldier,” what
happens when your period of service ends? For many business owners,
their identity is something along the lines of “I’m the CEO” or “I’m the
founder.” If you have spent every waking moment working on your
business, how will you feel after you sell the company?
The key to mitigating these losses of identity is to redefine yourself
such that you get to keep important aspects of your identity even if
your particular role changes.
“I’m an athlete” becomes “I’m the type of person who is mentally
tough and loves a physical challenge.”
“I’m a great soldier” transforms into “I’m the type of person who
is disciplined, reliable, and great on a team.”
“I’m the CEO” translates to “I’m the type of person who builds
and creates things.”When chosen effectively, an identity can be flexible rather than
brittle. Like water flowing around an obstacle, your identity works with
the changing circumstances rather than against them.
The following quote from the Tao Te Ching encapsulates the ideas
perfectly:
Men are born soft and supple;
dead, they are stiff and hard.
Plants are born tender and pliant;
dead, they are brittle and dry.
Thus whoever is stiff and inflexible
is a disciple of death.
Whoever is soft and yielding
is a disciple of life.
The hard and stiff will be broken.