340 Part III Humanistic/Existential Theories
May suggested that freedom and destiny, like love-hate or life-death, are not
antithetical but rather a normal paradox of life. “The paradox is that freedom owes
its vitality to destiny, and destiny owes its significance to freedom” (May, 1981,
p. 17). Freedom and destiny are thus inexorably intertwined; one cannot exist
without the other. Freedom without destiny is unruly license. Ironically, license
leads to anarchy and the ultimate destruction of freedom. Without destiny, then,
we have no freedom, but without freedom our destiny is meaningless.
Freedom and destiny give birth to each other. As we challenge our destiny,
we gain freedom, and as we achieve freedom, we push at the boundaries of destiny.Philip’s Destiny
When Philip, the architect immobilized by his relationship with Nicole, first sought
Rollo May as his therapist, he was paralyzed with inaction because he had refused
to accept his destiny. He saw no connection between his adult pattern of relating
to women and his childhood strategy of getting along in an unpredictable and
“crazy” world. His destiny, however, was not fixed by those early experiences.
Philip, like other people, had the freedom to change his destiny, but first he had
to recognize his biological, social, and psychological limitations; and then he had
to possess the courage to make choices within those limitations.
Philip lacked both the understanding and the courage to confront his destiny.
Up to the point of seeking therapy, he had tried to compensate for his destiny, to
consciously deny it. “He had been searching for someone who would make up for
his having been born into an unwelcoming world consisting of a disturbed mother
and a schizophrenic sister, a destiny that he did not in the slightest choose” (May,
1981, p. 88). Philip’s denial of his destiny left him resentful and confused. His
inability or unwillingness to face his destiny robbed him of personal freedom and
kept him tied to his mother.
Philip treated his wives and Nicole in the same way that earlier had proven
successful with his mother and sister. He could not dare express his anger to
women, but instead, he adopted a charming though somewhat possessive and pro-
tective attitude toward them. May (1981) insisted that “the freedom of each of us
is in proportion to the degree with which we confront and live in relation to our
destiny” (p. 89). After several weeks of psychotherapy, Philip was able to stop
blaming his mother for not doing what he thought she should have done. When
he began to see the positive things she did for him, he began to change his attitude
toward her. The objective facts of his childhood had not changed, but his subjective
perceptions had. As Philip came to terms with his destiny, he began to be able to
express his anger, to feel less trapped in his relationship with Nicole, and to become
more aware of his possibilities. In other words, he gained his freedom of being.The Power of Myth
For many years, May was concerned with the powerful effects of myths on indi-
viduals and cultures—a concern that culminated in his book The Cry for Myth
(1991). May contended that the people of Western civilization have an urgent need
for myths. Lacking myths to believe in, they have turned to religious cults, drug