observe a child of eight months and tell if that child will succeed or fail
in life. This may be a harsh sentence for an eight-month-old baby, but
it underscores the importance of educating parents in good child-rear-
ing techniques and of intervening early in cases of child endanger-
ment. But what are good parenting techniques?
The cornerstone of good parenting is love, and the building blocks
are trust, acceptance, and discipline. The concept of “attachment par-
enting” has come to dominate early childhood research. It is the rela-
tively simple idea that an infant who is firmly attached to his or her
“primary caregiver”—often, but not always, the mother—develops into
a secure and confident child. Caregivers who respond promptly and
affectionately to their infants’ needs—to eat, to play, to be held, to sleep,
and to be left alone—form secure attachments with their children. A
study conducted with rhesus monkeys showed that infant monkeys pre-
ferred mothers who gave comfort and contact but no food to mothers
who gave food but no comfort and contact. This study indicates that
among primates love and nurturing are even more important than food.
Fortunately, loving their infants comes naturally to most parents and
the first requisite for good parenting is one that is easily met. The sec-
ond component—setting limits and teaching self-discipline—can be
more complicated. Many parents struggle to find a balance between
responding promptly to their babies’ needs and “spoiling” their child.
Norton Garfinkle, chair of the Executive Committee of the Lamaze
Institute for Family Education, has identified four parenting styles: warm
and restrictive, warm and permissive, cold and restrictive, and cold and
permissive. A warm parent is one who exhibits love and affection; a cold
parent withholds love; a restrictive parent sets limits on her child’s behav-
ior and a permissive parent does not restrict her child. Garfinkle finds
that the children of warm-restrictive parents exhibit self-confidence and
self-control; the children of warm-permissive parents are self-assured but
have difficulty following rules; children of cold-restrictive parents tend
to be angry and sullenly compliant, and the most troubled children are
those of cold-permissive parents. These children are hostile and defiant.
The warm-restrictive style of parenting helps develop the two key
dimensions of moral character: empathy and self-discipline. A warm
attachment with his or her parent helps the child develop empathetic
feelings about other human beings, while parental limit-setting
teaches the child self-discipline and the ability to defer gratification.
The ability to defer gratification is an essential skill for negotiating the
adult world. A study conducted by Daniel Goleman, author of Emo-
tional Intelligence,tested a group of four-year-olds’ ability to defer grat-
ification. Each child in the study was offered a marshmallow. The child(10)
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