people most similar to them and chose a topic they were likely to
agree on. The high sensation-seekers were more attracted to dis-
similar others. What’s more, high sensation-seekers were more
likely to pick topics they knew would lead to more novelty and
challenge. They picked the things that were more likely to lead to
disagreement.
Lynn wouldn’t be surprised by this finding. Lynn is a 51-year-
old business owner who told me about her friend Todd. “Todd is
amazing. If he thinks he can get somebody to do something, it
becomes a game for him to get that person to do that thing.
Whether it’s a physical thing or a business deal or something like
that.” Todd and her husband used to be close. But they stopped hang-
ing out in college because Todd was doing things that were too risky.
Thrill-seeking was the core of her husband’s friendship
with Todd. “Todd was one of those kids that pushed everyone’s
buttons in school. Todd was a really fast runner, which was
good because the kids were always trying to chase him to beat
up on him. He would create controversial situations. He abso-
lutely knows how to push people’s buttons. That’s part of his
game, part of his thrill.”That’s What Friends are For?
“Keep smiling, keep shining, knowing you can always count on me,
for sure. That’s what friends are for,” or so the song goes. But
psychologists have a different (colder and more scientific) view of
what friendship does and how we operate in the social world.
Psychologist Susan Fiske believes that friendships, well, nearly all
social connections, are motivated by just a handful of aims.
She calls it the BUCKET theory because the words (nearly)
spell out the word “bucket.”Belonging: people are motivated to join
together. They want to be part of something.Understanding: people
are motivated to make sense of the world.Controlling: people are
motivated to have power over the things that happen to them.
Enhancing self: people are motivated to feel and be perceived as
worthy. Trusting: people are motivated to see the world in
a positive light.
What kinds of people do high sensation-seekers typically
seek out for friendship? And how does being an HSS impact the
ability to attract friends and the quality of the friendships
themselves?97 / The Relationships of High Sensation-SeekersDownloaded from https://www.cambridge.org/core. Access paid by the UCSF Library, on 11 Nov 2019 at 14:21:35, subject to the Cambridge