emotions. Knowing when you are feeling grumpy is one thing.
But being able to flip off the grumpiness to seem chipper when
you are actually really annoyed is the stuff of intrapersonal
wizardry.
Early in grad school I took a trip to Toronto for a psychology
conference. I scored an amazing hotel room for a steal. The hotel
was tucked away on two floors of a bank building. They served
breakfast, snacks, and hot foods in the afternoon. I was ready to
move in.
I asked a person at the front desk if I could grab a few break-
fast muffins and take them to my room. He got this look of delight on
his face and said “absolutely.” His facial expression conveyed that
not only could I do it, but he would also like to congratulate me for
even coming up with such a wonderful idea. I even felt proud to have
thought of it. By the time I got back to my room, I noticed others
taking muffins back to their room. Surely they hadn’t overheard my
brilliant plan. Then it hit me. I bet he gets asked that question 20
times a day. His ability to conjure up that emotion in himself is
intrapersonal intelligence, but his ability to summon an emotion
in me shows he’s a pro atinterpersonal intelligence as well.
Interpersonal intelligence is the ability to notice the emo-
tions in others as well as the ability to alter emotions in them. Used
together, intrapersonal and interpersonal intelligence constitutes
our overall emotional intelligence – which can be a very powerful
force. People with strong emotional intelligence are experts at know-
ing how others might be feeling, and they are pretty good at direct-
ing others to feel a certain way. Without emotional intelligence, you
are cut off from others and sometimes unaware that you are.
Butwhatdoesthishavetodowithsensation-seeking?Astudy
of sensation-seekers found that they tend to be lower in emotional
intelligence.^25 Their interpersonal intelligence seems to be particu-
larly impacted. This may be because they are so distracted by their
own sensations, they can’t tell if you are frightened or annoyed by
a particular situation. Remember Cindy, whose new beau stalled the
plane over the Gulf of Mexico? He may not have realized how terrified
Cindy was at the time. Not only was he low in altitude but he was also
low in emotional intelligence. “He didn’t feel what I felt,” she
explained to me. “He understood it, but he didn’t feel it. When
I brought it up, he said, ‘That’s silly. Don’t be afraid. The plane won’t
actually crash. It just won’t happen.’” Easy for him to say.106 / Buzz!Downloaded from https://www.cambridge.org/core. Access paid by the UCSF Library, on 11 Nov 2019 at 14:21:35, subject to the Cambridge