62 Chapter 2 Theories of Personality
parents do profoundly affects the quality of their
relationship with their children—whether their
children feel loved, secure, and valued or humili-
ated, frightened, and worthless (Harris, 2009).
Parents also have some influence even on
traits in their children that are highly heritable.
In one longitudinal study that followed children
from age 3 to age 21, kids who were impulsive,
uncontrollable, and aggressive at age 3 were far
more likely than calmer children to grow up to
be impulsive, unreliable, and antisocial and were
more likely to commit crimes (Caspi, 2000). Early
temperament was a strong and consistent predic-
tor of these later personality traits, but not every
child came out the same way. What protected
some of those at risk, and helped them move
in a healthier direction? Having parents who
made sure they stayed in school, supervised them
closely, and gave them consistent discipline.
Nevertheless, it is clear that, in general, par-
ents have less influence on a child’s personality
than many people think. Because of reciprocal
determinism, the relationship runs in both direc-
tions, with parents and children continually influ-
encing one another. Moreover, as soon as children
leave home, starting in preschool, parental influ-
ence on children’s behavior outside the home begins
to wane. The nonshared environment—peers,
chance events, and circumstances—takes over.The Power of Peers LO 2.14
When two psychologists surveyed 275 first-
year students at Cornell University, they found
that most of them had secret lives and private
selves that they never revealed to their par-
ents (Garbarino & Bedard, 2001). The students
described having committed crimes, drinking,
doing drugs, cheating in school, sexting, and hav-
ing sex, all without their parents having a clue.
This phenomenon of showing one facet of your
personality to your parents and an entirely different
one to your peers becomes especially apparent inwould find a strong correlation between the per-
sonality traits of adopted children and those of
their adoptive parents. In fact, the correlation is
weak to nonexistent, indicating that the influence
of child-rearing practices and family life is small
compared to the influence of genetics (Cohen,
1999; Plomin, 2011). It is only the nonshared
environment that has a strong impact.2
Few parents have a single child-rearing style that
is consistent over time and that they use with
all their children. Developmental psychologists
have tried for many years to identify the effects
of specific child-rearing practices on children’s
personality traits. The problem is that parents
are inconsistent from day to day and over time.
Their child-rearing practices vary, depending on
their own stresses, moods, and marital satisfaction
(Holden & Miller, 1999). As one child we know
said to her exasperated mother, “Why are you
so mean to me today, Mommy? I’m this naughty
every day.” Moreover, parents tend to adjust their
methods of child rearing according to the tem-
perament of the child; they are often more lenient
with easygoing children and more punitive with
difficult ones.3
Even when parents try to be consistent in the way
they treat their children, what they do often bears
little relation to how the children turn out. Some chil-
dren of troubled and abusive parents are resilient
and do not suffer lasting emotional damage, as we
discuss in Chapter 3. Conversely, some children of
the kindest and most nurturing parents succumb
to drugs, mental illness, or gangs.Of course, parents do influence their children
in lots of ways that are unrelated to the child’s
personality. They contribute to their children’s reli-
gious beliefs, intellectual and occupational interests,
motivation to succeed, skills, values, and adherence
to traditional or modern notions of masculinity
and femininity (Beer, Arnold, & Loehlin, 1998;
Krueger, Hicks, & McGue, 2001). Above all, whatParents may try to keep constant tabs on their children, but how much control
do they really have over how their children turn out?JUMP START © 1999 Robb Armstrong. Reprinted by Permission of Universal Uclick for UFS. All rights reserved.