INTERVIEW FE ATUREABOVECamilla Pang (right) talks to Amy Barrett fromBBC
Science Focusabout neurodiversity
variance will have their own experience.
But being adaptable to your own needs is key,
and I think that can be said for everyone, not just
those who are neurodiverse.WHY IS AUTISM CLOSELY LINKED WITH ADHD?
They are a marriage made in heaven, but they
live in hell. They are counterparts. To be honest,
ADHD’s a kind of chaotic, unpredictable,
sporadic, wildfire that spins outwards, and it’s
everything that makes you feel alive. It’s messy,
and it’s not routine. It’s fluid.
Autistic spectrum disorder is more rigid. More
focused. It’s like routine. It’s very introspective.
From my experience, that is.
They save each other a lot of the time because
they’re a yin and yang. Most of the time I feel
like I’m a third wheeler. I really do. I’m
mediating both of these psychologies
simultaneously, and I’m like, “I just want to
make a cup of tea.”
But the good thing is that they do complement
each other. I go into hyper-focused mode, and
I’ve also got my Asperger’s to push that through
further, so I get stuff done fast. ADHD can make
you feel lost, and so can autism, but together,
somehow, you find your way through. It’s almost
like magic.
I think it’s very important to highlight the
intersection of anxiety. One can save the other,
but also, they can act together to create a really
powerful anxiety. That can be hard to deal with.
You don’t know what you’re going to be anxious
about that day, but you know that your mind is
spinning in both directions. You just have to
learn to train it. It’s energy, at the end of the day.HOW DO YOU FEEL ABOUT THE WAY AUTISM IS
PORTRAYED IN THE MEDIA?
It’s not quite accurately represented in terms of
how varied autism can be. It’s very male-orientated. It’s a very white culture, and there
are lots of heads banging on walls. And I think
that’s due to the fact that we don’t know what
[autism] looks like in any other form because
it’s very hard to diagnose.
It’s symptomatic, and it’s very, very varied.
People who have it, particularly females, are
known to mask their symptoms, so trying to
get it out of them is really hard. Lucky for me,
I was diagnosed at the age of eight or nine.
But for example, when someone says to me,
“Oh, Millie, you don’t look autistic!” I know
that they mean well, so I don’t make a fuss.
I give an indifferent answer that I’ve
rehearsed, obviously.
But it’s degrading to say I don’t look autistic
because it’s not something that I have; it’s
something that I am. This is my human shape.
I am autistic, and I have a different shape.
I experience life differently, to the point
where it can hinder, but it can also enhance
my experience.
I’m really hoping that this book sheds a light
on how varied [autism] can be, but also anchor
it down to a common psychological route that
explains why you are feeling a) that little bit
weird or b) out of place or c) to explain the
human that you are.WHY DID YOU CHOOSE TO WRITEEXPLAINING
HUMANSNOW?
Explaining Humansis my attempt to write
a manual from the pieces of information I’d
assembled since I was a child, but I didn’t
know I was writing it. It started with the
notes I had collected, and like bobbles on
a jumper, you’re a little bit embarrassed by
them, but they are inevitable and I couldn’t
notwrite it. I had to write to survive, and
assembling these notes enabled me to
decode and connect with humans.
It’s also an attempt to make science visible
for people, as it actually made people visible
to me. I can be myself with science, and it’s
something that I want to share with others
because it’s how I understand them.
Thinking about it, I used to have visions of
myself, wanting to give it to my mother when
I was little. So I could one day be like,
“Here mum, this is what’s happened.
This is why I couldn’t communicate, and
now I can.”DISCOVER MOREdON THE PODCAST
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Explaining
Humansis out 20 March
2020 (£14.99, Viking)