180 Friendship and Conflict
ex- partner increases the strength of the friendship (Banks, Altendorf, Greene, &
Cody, 1987; Schneider & Kenny, 2000). Ultimately, if ex- partners remain friends
because they still desire each other, those lingering feelings and missing the ex-
partner will generally lead them to reconcile (Dailey, Jin, Pfiester, & Beck, 2011).
The partner who chooses to end the relationship employs certain dissolution
strategies that are associated with both maintaining a friendship and reconcil-
ing the romance. When individuals break up with their partners in a way that
implies there may again be a future romantic relationship, they are more likely
to remain friends, especially if the ex- partner was perceived as desirable (Banks
et al., 1987). The dissolution strategies employed by individuals who want to
remain friends mirror those used by individuals who also eventually reconcile
(Dailey et al., 2011). These individuals tend to leave the possibility of reconciling
the relationship open and justify the reasons for the dissolution (Dailey et al.,
2011). Therefore, the intentional ambiguity of the dissolution and redefining the
relationship as a friendship leaves greater uncertainty about the future status of
the relationship, allowing for the possibility of reconciliation. Interestingly, post-
dissolution friendships are also more likely if the ex- partners are still attracted
to each other, perhaps because they still want to engage in activities such as hav-
ing a sexual relationship without a long- term commitment (Banks et al., 1987).
Thus, the possibility of romantic reconciliation may increase the likelihood of ex-
partners being friends after breakup.
Despite a desire to renew the relationship, not all aspects of reconciliation are pos-
itive. Some individuals desire to romantically reconcile with their partners because
they perceive a lack of alternatives and do not want to be alone (Dailey et al., 2011).
These reasons may not eliminate the problems within their romantic relationships
that contributed to the dissolution in the first place. The more times individuals
romantically renew and reconcile their relationships, the lower the positive aspects
in their relationships (e.g., satisfaction, commitment) and the higher the negative
aspects (e.g., aggression, ineffective conflict, relational uncertainty), contribut-
ing to an overall more negative perception of the relationship (Dailey et al., 2009).
Therefore, even though ex- couples may become friends as a means to eventually rec-
oncile, this continued attachment might lead to greater emotional maladjustment
(Fagundes, 2012). The various intrapersonal factors that can lead to friendships
between ex- partners demonstrate the complex interplay between individual differ-
ences, the expectations surrounding the relationship (romantic or friendship), and
the motivations that drive the desire to remain friends.
Dyadic Factors
In addition to each ex- romantic partner’s approach to the dissolution and friendship,
certain aspects of the relationship itself are also important in determining whether
a friendship will persist. Dyadic factors are those variables relevant to ex- partners