186 Friendship and Conflict
Boundaries and Rules of Postdissolution Friendship
As noted earlier, couples often lack scripts to help them navigate their newly defined
relationships (O’Meara, 1989). The ex- partners who become friends may experience
awkward transitions related to physical interactions that may have become routine in
their romantic relationships, such as hugging and kissing (Foley & Fraser, 1998). The
symbolic meaning of the physical acts must be defined (O’Meara, 1989), and such
definitions are often only implied instead of explicitly stated (Metts et al., 1989).
If physical relations are continued, the lack of obvious rules when the physi-
cal relationship is terminated may leave ex- partners feeling hurt and confused,
which may result in one partner feeling abandoned a second time (Isaacs & Leon,
1988). However, individuals who establish more practical (discuss children, daily
events, practical problems) rather than personal (discuss personal problems, pos-
sibly the relationship) boundaries for their friendship experience more postdis-
solution adjustment. Practical discussion was related to a lower somatization and
lower overall psychological disorder symptomology. The authors suggest that this
style may promote better mental health because it emphasizes discussing practical
matters rather than personal problems with the ex- spouse (Isaacs & Leon, 1988).
Some other challenges to creating boundaries in postromantic friendships include
equity issues (Paine, 1974; Rawlins, 1992), which traditionally involve an unequal
distribution of resources between males and females (Lipmen- Blumen, 1976).
Ex- couples must also negotiate public performances and perhaps even overcome
potential rumors or attributions of suspicious others. These rumors or attributions
result from many people having been socialized to disbelieve that men and women
can be friends without a sexual relationship or the desire for a sexual relationship
(Rawlins, 1982). The attributions of others are important to the role of the social
network in ex- partner relationship development.
Social Network Factors
Even though a friendship is generally developed and maintained between two
people, the social context in which a friendship is formed is especially crucial for
ex- romantic partners. The social network of the couple, as either a resource or
obstacle, plays a critical role in predicting the likelihood and quality of postdisso-
lution friendship. One’s social network might include family, friends, colleagues,
classmates, neighbors, church members, and other contacts, including online con-
tacts (e.g., Facebook friends). Social network factors may moderate the effects of
intrapersonal and dyadic factors on ex- partner friendship quality. Introducing new
romantic partners into the situation can present a unique challenge for ex- romantic
partners. Further, the presence of children can determine whether a friendship is
likely to form.