The Psychology of Friendship - Oxford University Press (2016)

Transgression, Forgiveness, and Revenge 203

it is logical that men and women may have different standards when it comes to
judging and reacting to friendship transgressions.

Gender Differences in Friendship Rules

Developmental research suggests that, when it comes to transgressions involving
breaking core friendship expectations, girls are more sensitive to such violations
than boys and react more negatively. In a study by MacEvoy and Asher (2012), for
example, girls (9– 11 years old) were more distressed than boys by friend transgres-
sions, provided more negative interpretations of the friends’ behavior, and reported
more negative emotions than did boys. Moreover, even though both girls and boys
consider loyalty a desirable characteristic in friendships, girls have higher expecta-
tions of loyalty and commitment than boys in childhood and adolescence (Clark &
Ayers, 1993). Ideal friendship expectations are developed based on societal norms
(Felmlee, 1999) and personal experiences with friends during the adolescent years
(Wiseman, 1986). Once formed, these ideal friendship standards tend to remain
relatively stable throughout adult life (Bigelow & La Gaipa, 1980; Hall, 2011).

Same- Sex Friendships

Consistent with the developmental research presented, studies suggest that adult
women also have higher standards for their same- sex friendships than do men
(Fuhrman, Flannagan, & Matamoros, 2009; Hall, 2011). Felmlee et al. (2012)
found that women were more critical of norm violations in their friendships than
were men, especially when the topic of transgression related to trust and intimacy.
In a meta- analysis of 37 studies, Hall (2011, p. 723) found that same- sex friendship
expectations were higher for females in three out of four categories: symmetrical
reciprocity (e.g., loyalty), communion (e.g., self- disclosure, intimacy), and solidar-
ity (e.g., companionship). However males had higher expectations in agency (e.g.,
physical fitness, status). Benenson and colleagues (2009) also reported that males
had greater tolerance for strains within their same- sex peer relationships than did
women. Similarly, according to Hall, Larson, and Watts (2011), women hold higher
friendship maintenance standards than men. These findings are in line with research
suggesting that women attach more importance to intimacy and closeness in their
friendships than men do (Aukett, Ritchie, & Mill, 1988; Fehr, 2004). One sociopsy-
chological explanation for this finding is that because women hold less power in the
society, they may be more reliant on their friendships for support and “their need
for informal ties may result in greater demands and expectations for these crucial
bonds” (Felmlee et al., 2012, p. 525). Evolutionary psychology offers a different
explanation for this finding. According to this view, women may have developed
higher expectations for intimacy because their intensive investment in bearing and
raising children necessitated formation of close bonds with other women, who