206 Friendship and Conflict
studies that have exclusively studied forgiveness in friendships have found inter-
esting gender differences. In a study of actual incidents and hypothetical scenarios
of forgiveness in same- and cross- sex friendships, Hojjat, Boon, and Owoc (2013)
reported that men were more likely to forgive a same- sex friend, while females were
more likely to forgive a cross- sex friend. This finding is in line with the literature sug-
gesting that women hold higher standards in their same- sex friendships (Fuhrman
et al., 2009), whereas men are relatively more tolerant of transgressions committed
by their same- sex friends (Benenson et al., 2009). The results of this study suggest
however, that both men and women tend to be less forgiving of women friends.
Similarly, in a study of attitudes regarding breaking friendship rules (Felmlee et al.,
2012), both men and women were more critical of a female friend who betrayed
a secret than of a male friend who did so. These findings make sense, given past
research suggesting that women are often relied on as confidants and sources of
emotional support by both men and women friends (Fehr, 2004). Perhaps the high
expectations for women to maintain that caretaker role translate into harsher judg-
ments, once it is perceived that this friendship rule has been violated by women.
Future research should focus exclusively on forgiveness in friendships and investi-
gate whether reactions to friendship transgressions (either forgiveness or revenge)
align with specific societal friendship rule expectations for men and women.
Directions for Future Research
As we hope the literature reviewed in this chapter makes clear, the need for further
research on forgiveness and revenge in friendship is considerable and the gaps in
existing knowledge are many. Friendships constitute a unique and widely valued
relationship form, exist across the life span, and are among the most common con-
texts in which betrayals, conflicts, transgressions, provocations, and the like occur.
Yet those who study forgiveness and revenge have not generally situated their inves-
tigations in relations between friends or examined in any depth the nature, qual-
ity, and characteristics of those friendships in which these phenomena occur. We
thus end this chapter with a call for friendship researchers to take up the study of
forgiveness and revenge— and related constructs such as grudge holding and unfor-
giveness. In doing so, we highlight three considerations we believe must guide such
research if it is to succeed in enriching our understanding of how people respond to
acts of wrongdoing that take place among friends.
First, we think it will be important for researchers to craft their studies of forgive-
ness and revenge in ways that embrace the considerable diversity that characterizes
friendships. Researchers investigating transgressions/ provocations in friendships
must pay attention to the types of friendships they study and to possible differences
among these friendships along a number of dimensions including gender, sexual
orientation, number of persons involved, and age. The literature we reviewed in