An Echo, a Hurrah, and Other Reflections 285Exactly W hat Is Friendship?
When survey researchers ask respondents about their friendships, members of the
general public have no trouble answering. But do all respondents have the same
notion in mind? Probably not. This brings to the fore the question: Exactly what is
friendship?
Definitional Attempts: A Baker’s Dozen
Often one of the places scholars start in studying a phenomenon is by defining
it. In this book that is certainly true. I found efforts to define or at least describe
key attributes of friendship in a majority of chapters (Rawlins; Erdley & Day;
Wrzus, Zimmermann, Mund, & Neyer; Adams, Hahmann, & Blieszner; Monsour;
Ledbetter; VanderDrift, Agnew, & Besikci; Morrison & Cooper- Thomas; Lunsford;
McConnell, Lloyd, & Buchanan; Holt- Lunstad; and King, Russell, & Veith).
Some of the qualities assigned to friendships are that they are voluntary, involve
an emotional tie (closeness, intimacy, liking and/ or affection), may involve aid
or support, and encompass companionship. Some definitions note that friend-
ships are between peers and involve mutuality (in the sense that both partners
are friends with each other). Friendships are typically referred to as relationships,
which implies they are not a fleeting or very limited set of interactions but rather
last for some duration.
Wrzus et al. characterize friendships by what they typically are not (e.g., a sexual
relationship). Ledbetter raises the question of whether scholars should have a sepa-
rate name for the large number of so- called friends that people list on social media
sites such as Facebook.
One aspect of friendship that contributors to this volume implicitly acknowl-
edge is its conjunctive nature (VanderDrift et al.; Morrison & Cooper- Thomas; and
Lunsford). That is, a single relationship can embody friendship as well as other roles
(e.g., romantic partner, coworker, mentor, family member, etc.). In a classic early
study of the social networks of northern Californians, Claude Fischer (1982) found
respondents themselves considered over two- thirds of coworkers and neighbors as
friends. Kin were less likely than nonkin to be considered friends, but even among
kin, 34 percent of wives were considered friends. Presumably when people see ani-
mals as friends (McConnell et al.), this, too, involves the conjunctive roles of being
a friend and a pet.
Although there is certainly overlap among definitions, it is also true that there
is not a consensus on a single definition. Both Rawlins and Monsour allude to the
difficulty scholars have had in reaching a single definition. Monsour reports that in
the development of this book, authors were asked if they were going to provide a
formal definition of friendship: some said no, some said yes, and others said they
would provide typical characteristics of friendship.