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be a better friend
A flurry of new apps promises to help us better manage our
personal relationships. But do they work-and do we want them to,
asks Amelia Taft
I
T'S 8.18amona Wednesdaywhenmy
phone bmuswithapromptto"Offer
your knowledgetoothers". The push
notification also tells me that I have "three
relationships to reach out to~ including, in
brackets, the name of my slater, and "four
new people" to" discover" -here it mentions
someonelrecentlyemailedforworklignore
it. then click Sll007A! on several.other reminders
to reach out to my friends.
The message is from UpHabit,oneofmany
apps that haw launched in the pa.st couple
of years tu help people better manage their
:mlationships. They are based on customer
relationship management software, or CRMs,
whlcharenowroutlnelyusedbycompanles
forthingslllm oompiling customer data and
offering up suggestions on how to retain
business. These newapps, personalCRMs,
offer similar services, but the relationships
they help you "manage" are with your friends,
family, oolleagues and acquaintances.
In an era whenpeopletendtomovehouse
or job multiple times, making and neglecting
relationships as they go, these tools promise
to help us stay in touch-and be better, more
thoughtful friends. Yet how many people can
we genuinely stay c:onnected tol And if I send a
message to someone becauseanappprompted
me to, is it less meaningful somehow than ifl
:remembermyselt'?
Tounderstandwhysomanypersonal CRMs,
orPBMs,havepoppedupsince2018, wbatthat
says about our relationships and whether push
notifications can really make us better friends,Igaveatewatry. Itdidn'tgoquiteasl~
If these kinds of apps sound tempting, you
are currently spoiled fbrchoice. From the least
to the most inexplicably named, you an now
downloadNtwik, UpHabit.PlumContads,
Dex, Garden, Levitate, Monaru, Clay and Hippo.
They don't just prompt you to" discover new
people"beforeyouhavebadyourmoming
coffee.MostwmkinasJmflarway:youimport
your oontacts to the app, labeland tag them as
friends, family or co-workers, for instance, set
reminden for when to oontac:tthem and log
the topics you last spoe about In theory, this
meansyouwillneverf'mletthenameofan
acquaintance's kid or to ask your uncle bow
his knee surgery went, and you will generally
have stronger, bettermlatlonsh!ps as aM&ult.
'1!veryone1svery~andifyouswitch jobsor move continents, you kind oflose touch
with people," says Neil Wainwright. UpHabifs
founder. "I decided to build UpHabit because I
wanted to help with that situation-I wanted to
help people stay connected." When 'Wainwright
firat uploaded his contacts to the app, he was
:reminded of a colleague he wodced with a
decade ago. "I reached out tohim, reconnected
with him... andmywifeandlactu.allywmt
outfbrdinnerwith bimand bis wife, and it
was a delightful time." They me st:iD.in toucll.Maklnglt wmk
UpHabltla by&rthemostpopularPRMon the
market, something Wainwright attributes to
his "obsesalon"withhis customers. He says
the app is oonstantly revised based on user
feedback: in 2019, the team updated it 92 times,
including enabling birthday reminders, adding
atabforrecommendednsdingandallowing
users tu tag people in bulk.
Another thing that changes occasionally
is the wording of push notifications, which
Wainwright says have been Mflned. Still,
compared with other apps, UpHabit's
prompts have a slightly preachy tone: "Form
great bonds by offering to help someone":
"Nurture relationships before you need them':
~simple 'how me you?' can go along way".
I didn't just ignore the "Offer your
knowledge to others" notific:atian, I actually
laughed aloud. Itfi!lt strange and clinical tu me,
and the command seemed almost impossible
to act upon ("Hi Beth, I know we haven't >