Elle UK May2020

commercialised,manyofthegirls-next-
doorarelivinglifestylesthatnolonger
chimewiththemasses.‘Theycan’tpretend
they’rethesameastheirfollowers,’says
SaraMcCorquodale,authorofInfluence
andfounderofinfluencerintelligence
platform,Corq.‘Butthey’restillhuman.
That’showtheycanconnect– bysharing
theirstruggles.Sonowyouseethismassconfessionalbehaviour.’
It makesbusinesssense,too.Influencersgarnerupto1O
timesmoreengagementonpostsaboutmentalhealthissues
comparedtomorelightheartedcaptions,with‘anxiety’used
threetimesmorein2O19than2O16,accordingtoinfluence
marketersCaptiv8.We’veallpausedonpostswherea friendspills
theirguts;it seemscalloustosimply‘like’it.Emotionaloutpourings
requirea supportivecommentina waya standardselfiedoesn’t.
Algorithmsrewardpoststhatgarnergreater engagement
withincreased visibilityso,if yourlivelihoodisbased on
metrics,it makessensetogo‘sadfishing’.Thisisthepracticeof
exaggeratingyouremotionstosnagattention,adescendent
ofcrypticFacebookspostscircaa decadeago,postedbyyour
neediestfriendstoelicittheclassicresponse:‘UOKhun?’

‘Thisistheeraofcandidcontent,’saysMcCorquodale.‘We’re

movingawayfromthatpicture-perfectlook,wherephotos

areheavilyfiltered,thecaptionsaresugaryandeverythingis

wonderful.Thingswillcontinuetobecomemoregritty.’Social

media,it seems,is goingthroughitsgrungephase.

I’mnotsuggestingthatweembracetheno-nonsensespiritof

the197Osbloke,puta sockinit, godownthepub,graba pintand

talksolelyaboutfootball(hi,Dad!).Ofcourse,therearesituations

whereexpressingoneselfhonestlyandopenlyis notjustcathartic,

butpotentiallya life-saver.Toa certainextent,itisgoodtotalk.

utwhenwespoutforthincessantly,weneglecttolisten,

saysKateMurphy,authoroftheinsightfulYou ’re No t

Listening. A modernsignifierofsuccess,shepointsout,is

doinga TEDTalk.Oh,theglamourofprowlingaroundthestage,

deliveringyourwisdom,ideallygarnishedwithself-deprecation

aboutyourpersonalstruggles.Asfortheaudience?Whocares.

Murphy,however,is ona missiontobringbacktheartoflistening,

thebenefitsofwhichgofarbeyondbeinga betterdinnerparty

guest.‘Ifyou’realwaystalking,you’renotabletoconnectwith

otherpeoplebecausethatrequireslistening,’shesays.Yetlistening

canprovidehealthynourishmenttotheemotionallyobese.

‘Ifyou’refeelinglonely,anxiousordepressed,youneed

togetoutofyourheadandnotdwellonthings,’saysMurphy.

‘AttachmentexpertMiriamSteeletalksabout“snatchesof

magic”–thatlovelymomentwhenyou’retalkingtosomeone

andyoureallyconnect.Theneurosciencematchesthatfeeling

ofbeinginsync–yourneuralpatternsactuallysyncwiththose

ofthepersonyou’relisteningto.Thatreleases

feelgoodchemicals,suchasoxytocin,which

cancombatnegativefeelings.Butif you’renot

listeningorif you’reonyourown,pouringout

yoursoultotheinternet,thatdoesn’thappen.’

What’smore,beinggoodatlisteningcan

makeyoubetteratsiftingthroughyourown

issues.‘Listeningdeterminesthetoneand

qualityofourinnerdialogues,’saysMurphy.

‘Previousinteractionsteachushowtoquestion,

answerandcommentsowecandothesame

withourselveswhenweneedtomanage

ethicaldilemmasandthinkcreatively.’So

becomegoodatproperlylisteningtoothers

andyou’llbebetteratlisteningto(orindeed

notlisteningto,whennecessary)thevoicesinyourhead.

Murphy’smissionis noble.Butit doesn’tseemlikethedinwill

diedownanytimesoon.Emotionalincontinencereignssupreme.

Theself-careindustrywillcontinuetoencourageustospeak‘our

truth’,inthenameofenhancedwellbeing.Andthecurseofthe

confessionalInstagramramblecontinues.

I chataboutallofthistoafriendofminewhohasendured

sometoughtimesinrecentyears,includingherhusbandsuffering

a life-changingaccident,thesuddendeathofherbelovedsister

andhersonbeingexpelledfromschool.‘Sometimesit’sbetternot

togiveyourworriestoomuchoxygen,’shesays.‘Lifeis hardand

badthingshappen,butsometimesyouneedtoprioritiseandlet

thelessbadthingspasswithouttoomuchcomment.’She’sright.

Sometimeswejustneedtoknowwhentostoptalking.

” INFLUENCERS

GARNERUP

TO1OTIMESMORE

ENGAGEMENT

ON SOCIAL

MEDIA POSTS

ABOUT mental

healthissues”

99

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