ecently, I returned to a company I was last employed
at a decade ago. A lot had changed – no one uses
landlines now, the coffee is better – but the thing that
moststruck me were the posters plastered on the toilet doors and
in the communal spaces. ‘Need to talk?’ they enquire, before
offering not one but five phone numbers for counselling services.
There’s been a dramatic shift in the cultural conversation
in recent years, in that it never ends. Perhaps you’ve noticed –
people talking (and talking) about every fear, hope, dream and
anxiety. We’re unloading our innermost feelings everywhere
and upon anyone. My friend often gives me a lift to the station to
commute into London. The payback? I must endure a rundown of
his emotional state, a raking over of the previous day’s emotions
and predictions for what feelings today
might bring. It’s intense for 7am. Even
Instagram doesn’t provide respite, thanks
to the rise of the 4OO -word caption – well,
essay – unpicking the poster’s previous 24
hours. Despite still wearily scrolling past,
when I get home, I question my children at
length on their emotional states, scanning
their responses for red flags, before
‘workshopping’ my day with my husband.
When I was little, my mother would
scold me for being a drama queen. Yet
now, that’s our default state of being.
If you’re not feeling all the feels – and
broadcasting them live – are you even
human? We’re performatively emoting on podcasts (no need to edit
yourself, just keep waffling), TV talk shows, scripted reality shows,
radio phone-ins, social media and in print (hey, it’s all content!). In his
1932 sci-fi novel Brave New World, Aldous Huxley conjured up the
idea of ‘the feelies’: a futuristic cinema experience where viewers
clutched handles on their seat to feel the on-screen characters’
feelings. Like so many of his predictions, what sounded dystopian
nearlya centuryagonowseems,well,entirelyreasonable.histendencyis whataddictionspecialist,therapist,lecturer
andteacherGillianBridgecalls‘emotionalobesity’.
We’retoldit’sgoodtotalk,butBridge,controversially,isn’t
sosure.Theno-nonsenseBrithasspent3O+yearsworkingwith
prisoners,addictsandmentalhealthclientsofallages.‘I’vecome
acrossmanya clientwhowashugelyeloquentabouttheirvarious
emotionalstates,butnomorementallysoundforit,’shesays.
Inhernewbook,SweetDistress, shecriticises‘ourloveaffair
withfeelings’.Encouragingpeopletowallowintheiremotions
isakintostuffingthemwithsugar,shesays–it makespeople
feelgoodintheshort-term,butstoreslonger-termproblems.
‘Weshouldhelppeopletomanagetheiremotions,ratherthan
immersingthemselvesinthem,’shesays.‘Ifyouaskachildto
memorisesomething,yougetthemtorepeat,reviseandrehearse
it.Bythesametoken,if you’refeelingnegativeemotionsandyou
repeat,reviseandrehearsethem,they’llstick.’Sometimes,she
says,it’sbettertojustbuttonit – whichtakesa sledgehammerto
theacceptedwisdomthata problemsharedis a problemhalved.
WecanthanktheVictoriansforthestiffupperlip,inspiredby
theStoicsandtheSpartansofAncientGreece.Inresponsetovastchanges wrought by the Industrial Revolution,
the Victorians believed the key to maintaining
social order was to keep one’s emotions in
check. That sentiment – more precisely, lack
thereof – carried Brits through two world wars,
as they kept calm and carried on.
But keeping schtum only worked to a point.
By the late 198Os, talking therapies were on
the rise as the emphasis changed to workshopping our worries.
Oprah Winfrey ran with the idea, creating a talk show template
that encourages people to publicly pour out their hearts to this
day. In the UK, the death of Princess Diana in 1997 caused an
unprecedented outpouring of collective emotion. If you hadn’t
been there, it would be hard to appreciate how truly weird it
was to see so many people – grown men! – clutching flowers
andweepinginthestreet.Thestifflipbecamedecidedlywobbly.
Andthiswasreflectedinthewiderculture.Peoplehadwritten
aboutthemselvesandtheirlivesformillenniabut,asa literarygenre,
thememoirwasconsideredtacky,a poorrelationtophilosophy
andliteraryfiction.Notanymore.Amongthenewwaveoffirst-
personwriterswascontroversialauthorElizabethWurtzel.Her
notorious 1994 bookProzacNationwasshockingbecauseit
talkedviscerallyaboutherdepressionatatimewhennoone
openlydidthatkindofthing.Nowjuicy,heightenedconfessions
aresplatteredacrosseveryotherpage,andareaslucrativeas
theyarewidespread.It’sbeendubbedtheTMIeconomy.
Ofcourse,celebritieshaven’tbeenimmunetothis.Wherewe
onceworshippedenigmas–say,Madonna;foreverfabulous,
neverrelatable–modernstarsarefêtedfortheirauthenticity.
(SeeTaylorSwiftopeningupherworldtofansinMissAmericana)
AndPrinceHarryhasbeenattheforeofchampioningmental
healthcauses,bytalkingabouthisproblemsinawaythat
wouldhaveseemeddeeplyunprincelyadecadeago.While
thiswillingnesstosharecanbehelpful,thesedays,nocelebrity
interviewis completewithouta revelationofa personalstruggle.
Thenthere’ssocialmedia.InfluencerspostplaintiveInstagram
unburdeningsintheguiseofkeepingit real.Buttheplatformis so” E V E N INSTAG R A M
DOESN’T PROVIDE
RESPITE, THANKS
TO T HE R ISE OF
th e 4 O O - w o rd
caption
UNPICKING T HE
PAST 24 HOURS”98 ELLE.COM/UK^ May 2020