FT_Weekend_Magazine_-_April_4-5_2020

chops.Season vigorouslywith salt andpepper a

goodhourortwobeforeyou plan to cook (thisis

alwaysagoodideawithmeatanyway).Nowget

yourselfasmalltraysoyou can getyour culinary

ducks inarow–whatachef callsmiseenplace.

You’ll needaboutatablespoonoffinely

mincedonions or shallots.You could use the

whiteparts of spring onions if that’sthe card

thegreengrocerygodshavedealtyouthisweek.

Once, whenIwasvery,very drunk,Ievenpulled

this off withacarefullyrinsedpickledonion from

ajar.See,Itoldyouthiswas flexible.

You’ll also needagoodtablespoonofbutter,

salted, unsalted–Idon’tthinkwe’reinaposition

tobefussyhere–ateaspoonofwhatevermustard

youcan layhands on and that can of mushrooms,

drainedand sliced.

Putall of thesereadyonthe trayalong with

abottleofWorcestershiresauce,asmall jug of

cream and whateveryou canfind thatpassesfor

brandy.(I foundaplastic minibottlenexttothe

cannedmushrooms in the cornershop.Itlooks

just about distinguishedenoughtoneckonapark

bench while arguing withapigeon and, according

to its misspelt label, wasbottledinUxbridge.)

Sear the steak inadry,hot pan.Once itbegins

to takecolour,drop in the butter,which should

melt quicklyenablingyoutouseaspoon to

anoint the steakrepeatedly.Thistechniqueis

calledarroser.Likeeverything aboutagood

tableside Diane, it’sasflashy as all hell... andalso

so simple thatitcanbedone onawheeledcartby

ahassledwaiter.

As soon asyour steak is medium rare(there

aredozens of techniquesfor judgingthis...Idon’t

use any of them,justaprobethermometer to

read 56.6C), takeitout of thepan and place it to

rest onawarm plate.Add morebutter to the pan

ifyouwish, then add the choppedshallots and fry

themuntil they’reclear.Nowadd the mushrooms

and heat them through. Stir in themustard and

ashot ofWorcestershiresauce and allowtocome

back up toasimmer.

Nowfor the flash ofbrilliance thatwill impress

your date, assureyouafat tip,scorchyour

eyebrowsofforpossiblyjusttrigger the smoke

alarm:pour inaslug of thebrandy,wait till it

bubbles,thencarefullyset light to it.

As soon asyour accelerantisexhausted, add

any juicesthathaveescapedyourresting meat

and some cream, and leteverything bubble while

stirring withaspoon.Finally,pourthe sauce

overyoursteak and servewithspinach, noodles,

rice,ovenchips orahandfulofporkscratchings –

and candlelight.

Nextweek:writerWendellSteavenson.

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FT.COM/MAGAZINE APRIL 4/ 52020 39

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