saturday, april 4 , 2020. the washington post eZ re c3
ACROSS
1 One of the
partying elite
8 Dessert option
15 Emphasize
strongly
16 Online group
study
17 Visiting the
Louvre, say
18 Namesake of
brunch sauce
19 Sweet after-
dinner drink
21 Cpl., for one
22 Some street
performers
25 __ learning
26 Conks out
27 “The Cookie
Never
Crumbles”
co-author Wally28 Stick
29 Apollo unit,
briefly
30 Flour bag abbr.
31 Enthusiastic
well-wisher
35 Retire
37 Took over in
a supervisor’s
absence
38 __-di-dah
39 So far
40 __ web
41 To be, in Latin
42 Hardy title
teenager
44 Small store
45 12-time
NBA All-Star
Olajuwon,
as originally
spelled
46 Big bird
47 Dessert made
with Oreos
49 Fell behind
51 Baseball’s
Browns,
since 195455 Camera maker
that merged
with Konica
56 What financial
projections are
compared with57 Guile
58 “We’re done”
DOWN
1 Bush press
secretary
Fleischer
2 PC linkup
3 Little rascal
4 Pentagon and
others
5 Corrida
chargers
6 Muslim noble
7 They’re not for
everyone
8 1957 Marty
Robbins hit
9 Spaghetti
Western
director
Sergio
10 Up to it
11 Wire
measure
12 Without
thinking
13 Prom, say
14 Hungarian
mathematician
Paul
20 Museum piece
22 “Happy Days”
character Ralph23 Permeate
24 Promising
forecast
26 Commerce, e.g.:
Abbr.
28 “Do the __!”
29 Stand the
test of time
31 Ta rget
32 Playful
prank33 Scrub away
34 Alter, as a
skirt
36 Poems
of honor
41 Just manage
42 Contract
listing
43 Te xt alternative
44 Catchers’
catchers45 Curly-tailed
dog
47 Valley
48 Bridge
structure
50 Actor Chaney
52 Scale notes
53 Skull and
Bones member
54 Old boomerLA TIMES CROSSWORD By Brian E. PaquinFRIDAY’S LA TIMES SOLUTION© 2020 Tribune Content Agency, LLC. 4/4/20Television
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Adapted from
an online
discussion.Dear Carolyn: I
am a 46-year-old
divorced
woman, no
children, in a
new relationship
with a 53-year-old divorced
man. My marriage ended about
10 years ago because we just
weren’t a good fit, and my
boyfriend’s ended much more
recently and for a more
heartbreaking reason. He and
his wife lost a daughter to
complications from an eating
disorder before her 21st
birthday, and their marriage
fell apart as a casualty of their
grief.
My boyfriend seems to have
a healthy perspective on what
happened and is sharing the
details with me in gradual,
responsible doses, but I often
worry that I’m saying the
wrong thing or not saying
enough. I also find I’m self-
conscious about asking for
certain things in the
relationship because he has
been through so much.
Do you have any suggestions
about not letting the specter of
this tragedy harm a promising
new relationship?
— CaliforniaCalifornia: This situation is
indeed devastating. I think
you’re good to be so thoughtful,
and it’s a promising sign both
that he’s sharing gradually and
that you’ve chosen to be
respectful of his timetable.
I am a little concerned that
you might be erring too much
on the side of holding back. It’s
normal to be self-conscious —
but so helpful if you can
articulate that sometimes: “I
find that I’m self-conscious
about asking certain things
because you have been through
so much.” Don’t bring this up
constantly — you don’t want to
shift the responsibility onto
him for your emotional
caretaking — but do venture in
at key points when you feel
yourself holding back and
wondering if he’d actually
appreciate more openness. This
allows him to understand what
it means when you don’t
respond to him right away, for
example, or in a way he might
not have expected.
Likewise, if you have the
presence of mind in a moment
when you’re not sure what to
say, say that: “I worry that I’ll
say the wrong thing. Is there
something people have said or
done for you that helps?”
Again, not every time, but at
moments when it feels right.
That gives both of you a voicein the pace of your emotional
discovery.
Otherwise, keep up the
patience, listening and
compassion.Dear Carolyn: I tried to be
friends with an ex-boyfriend
and just couldn’t do it; the
feelings were still there and I
found it difficult to watch him
move on with his life without
me as a major part of it.
I made the mistake of
telling him this, and now,
though my feelings have
faded, he continues to hold
me at a weird, lordly arm’s
length, telling me — and
others — that he’s doing me a
favor by giving me space. Is
there a nice way to say, “Uh,
actually I’m over you” t hat
seems believable?
— Ex FriendsEx Friends: “If I wasn’t
before, then I am now. Thanks
for the push.” Not that he’ll get
it; you will, though, and that’s
what matters. Congratulations
on shedding this one.Write to carolyn hax at
[email protected]. get her
column delivered to your inbox
each morning at wapo.st/haxpost. Join the discussion live at noon
fr idays at live.washingtonpost.comIf y ou don’t know what to say, say so
Carolyn
Haxnick galifianakis for the Washington Post