THAT’S OUTRAGEOUS!
WHAT A STEAL In July 2018,
three men entered the SanAntonio
aquarium in Texas with ababy
stroller. They left with a new
passenger: a 40-centimetrehorn
shark named Miss Helen.The
men, led by 38-year-old Anthony
Shannon, walked towardsa pond
before scooping up the animal
and placing it into the stroller.
Police used security footageto
trace their car, catching upsoon
after at a house. That’s wherethey
found Miss Helen swimmingina
professional-level aquarium.The
shark is valuable, but it appears
Shannon was simply an avid
collector. He was chargedwith
felony theft.TUBER TRANSGRESSIONS
Jordan Lewis of Jackson, Mississippi,
woke up on an April morning,
walked to her car and founda
surprise: a styrofoam bowl
on top of its roof. Inside,
a helping of creamy
potatoes. She posted
her tale to social
media, and about
a dozen strangers
mentioned they’d also
received surprise spuds.Theoriesabounded,froma prankto
a sinisteranimal-poisoningploy.The
dishhadbeenservedintheschool
cafeteriathepreviousday,butit
didn’tlookquitethesame– Lewis’s
giftmorecloselyresembledpotato
salad.Lewishasaccepteda simple
answer:“Weirdthingshappenhere,”
shesays.Noneed,it seems,tohash
it outfurther.CRIMESUCKSAmanwashouse-
sittingforhisnephewwhenhe
heardtroublingnoisescoming
fromthebathroom.Hecalled
emergencyandthreepoliceofficers,
a detectiveandtwocanineofficers
weredispatchedtothehousenear
Portland,Oregon.Theofficers
approached,riflesready,and
announcedtheirpresence.Totheir
surprise,theydidn’tfinda
lurkingcriminal.Instead,
thehome’srobotic
vacuumhadbecome
confusedandwas
bangingitselfagainst
thewall.Everyone
therewasrelieved,
if a littleembarrassed.
Theupside:the
bathroomtiles
ILLUSTRATION: PIERRE LORANGER werespotless.
BY Nathaniel Basen55