2020-04-01 Reader\'s Digest AUNZ

(avery) #1
forseniorco-passengers,pregnant
gentlewomen,orthosewithweary
shoulders,tiredeyes,heav y-looking
baggage,ormaybea childand,smil-
ing,offertheirlaboriously acquired
seattothem.

4 TheElbowCharger
Bewareofthesepeople!Alleyeson
thedoor,theystrategicallystandin
thecentreofthetraintolandthefirst
emptyseat.Blinkerson,theyclutch
theirhandbagsorfoldtheirarms
inaperpendicularfashion,literal-
lyelbowingtheirwayintothetrain
andontothenearestseat.Thetrick
inavoidingthemistospotthemon
theplatformbeforethetrainarrives
andsecureyourplaceexactlybehind
them– neverahead, and definitely
neverontheside.

5 TheLoudspeaker
Ifyouareintoeavesdropping,the
animatedcommutersattachedto
theirphonescouldbeyourpals.
However,ifyoudon’twanttoknow
whyx-friendhasbeenstealingtheir
universitynotes,orhowy-friendwill
notbeabletomeetthembecausehe
gotsickafter a night out, once again:
scram!

6 TheVideoFreeloader
Ifyouarenotnewtohavingpeople
watchyourNetflixprogramoveryour
shoulder,youmaybetolerantofthis
one.Imaginethis– youarewatch-
ing the latest episodeofBrooklyn

READER’SDIGEST


playing‘metronomics’.Because
sometimesyoujust have to see the
humourinit all.


1 TheOpportunist


Equippedwiththekeenestsetofeyes
andthesprightliestsetofHermes’s
sandals(no,notthebrand,I mean
thewingedsandalsthatf lewthe
Greekgodasswiftlyasa bird),the
opportunistcanmakeeventhemost
athleticsprinternervous.Standing
slylyinthecorner,theyhavetheir
eyesevery where– closingofbooks,
dismemberingofearphones,lock-
ingand puttingawayofphones



  • theyarewatchingandlistening.
    Andintheblinkofaneye,theyare
    foundvictoriouslyperched upon the
    just-vacatedseat.


2 TheDJ/Soloist


I mean,whodoesn’twanttolistento
otherpeople’smusic,right?Howev-
er,what’smoreinterestingthanlis-
teningtoother’smusicislisteningto
themcrooningalongwhiletheyare
lostinthesoundofthemusicontheir
earphones.Writer’sadvice:run!


3 TheSeat-Offering-
Samaritan


Thetraincanseemnothinglessthan
a jungle– peoplehunchinghungri-
lyforthenextemptyseatorstaring
endlessly,asifgaugingthedegreeof
threatyoumightpose,butthatdoes
notmeanthatkindnessisdead.Big
lovetopeoplewho actually look out


58 April 2020

Free download pdf