2020-04-01 Reader\'s Digest AUNZ

forseniorco-passengers,pregnant

gentlewomen,orthosewithweary

shoulders,tiredeyes,heav y-looking

baggage,ormaybea childand,smil-

ing,offertheirlaboriously acquired

seattothem.

4 TheElbowCharger

Bewareofthesepeople!Alleyeson

thedoor,theystrategicallystandin

thecentreofthetraintolandthefirst

emptyseat.Blinkerson,theyclutch

theirhandbagsorfoldtheirarms

inaperpendicularfashion,literal-

lyelbowingtheirwayintothetrain

andontothenearestseat.Thetrick

inavoidingthemistospotthemon

theplatformbeforethetrainarrives

andsecureyourplaceexactlybehind

them– neverahead, and definitely

neverontheside.

5 TheLoudspeaker

Ifyouareintoeavesdropping,the

animatedcommutersattachedto

theirphonescouldbeyourpals.

However,ifyoudon’twanttoknow

whyx-friendhasbeenstealingtheir

universitynotes,orhowy-friendwill

notbeabletomeetthembecausehe

gotsickafter a night out, once again:

scram!

6 TheVideoFreeloader

Ifyouarenotnewtohavingpeople

watchyourNetflixprogramoveryour

shoulder,youmaybetolerantofthis

one.Imaginethis– youarewatch-

ing the latest episodeofBrooklyn

READER’SDIGEST

playing‘metronomics’.Because
sometimesyoujust have to see the
humourinit all.

1 TheOpportunist

Equippedwiththekeenestsetofeyes
andthesprightliestsetofHermes’s
sandals(no,notthebrand,I mean
thewingedsandalsthatf lewthe
Greekgodasswiftlyasa bird),the
opportunistcanmakeeventhemost
athleticsprinternervous.Standing
slylyinthecorner,theyhavetheir
eyesevery where– closingofbooks,
dismemberingofearphones,lock-
ingand puttingawayofphones

• theyarewatchingandlistening.
  Andintheblinkofaneye,theyare
  foundvictoriouslyperched upon the
  just-vacatedseat.

2 TheDJ/Soloist

I mean,whodoesn’twanttolistento
otherpeople’smusic,right?Howev-
er,what’smoreinterestingthanlis-
teningtoother’smusicislisteningto
themcrooningalongwhiletheyare
lostinthesoundofthemusicontheir
earphones.Writer’sadvice:run!

3 TheSeat-Offering-
Samaritan

Thetraincanseemnothinglessthan
a jungle– peoplehunchinghungri-
lyforthenextemptyseatorstaring
endlessly,asifgaugingthedegreeof
threatyoumightpose,butthatdoes
notmeanthatkindnessisdead.Big
lovetopeoplewho actually look out

58 April 2020